避

有時候，人就是那麼奇怪。
當你知道一些東西之後，你會開始避開。
當你有一些奇怪的感覺之後，你會開始避開。
避開到底是爲什麽？

害怕講話。
害怕靠近。
明明心裡是不想的，但是就是會要避開。

心裡掙扎著，但是還是會覺得不敢講話。
>___<
我可以叫別人主動，自己卻~~~aiks..

還是順其自然咯！=D

Happy Father's Day

今天是父親節。

爸爸，父親節快樂。

Papa!!! Happy Father's Day!!!

謝謝你一直以來對我們細心的指導及教誨。
你頭上的白髮都是爲了我們而生的，
我能夠來台灣念書都是因為有你的幫忙。
你訓練我叫我做我不敢做的東西，然而我都硬著頭皮做了。
EX: 打電話給很多University and College（訓練英文和與陌生人講電話的膽量），打電話爭取自己該有的機會、如何以很禮貌的詞句婉拒別人或問問題等等。
去年（2010）我真的學到很多，也很開心有你對我的肯定。
當時我很不願意做因為我不敢，但是事情總是在最後才知道~~~這些訓練對現在的我很有幫助。 =D
Ex: 學校的政大之聲實習單位 admission 失敗后，我勇敢的去問他們不收我的原因（面對面）。雖然知道原因之後還是有所不滿，但是至少我盡力了。這跟 Great Eastern 我不斷打電話詢問的case 類似吧！=D

你學習使用科技（電腦）甚至學習你重來都沒學過的漢語拼音；
你對每一件事情都有好奇心而勇敢追尋；
你每次都有新點子（Owen Town House etc）；
其實我也很想要有那種這麼容易就能夠與別人Social的性格，但是我就是很難融入一些Topic。

每次跟你去上班，坐在你隔壁看/聽你工作就感覺自己還有很長的路要走才能夠好像你這樣。
華語、英語、馬來語、廣東話、福建話、海南話 等等 你都會講！
而且是用這些語言來跟別人聊天聊上1，2個小時都可以。
很多東西都是你幫我們翻譯的。

有時候你對我們都很嚴厲，小時候還常常說會讓我們吃“果條”，罰寫100次的悔過句子（我還有收著！），沒做一樣東西都要規規矩矩的，還有很多以後可以告訴我們的子女的小故事。=D
雖然我們每個長大之後有很多事情讓您心痛也讓你生氣，但是家人就如斷不了的水，我們還是一家人一起生活。

不管怎樣，我以你這位爸爸為傲。
朋友問我你爸爸是怎樣的人，我都會說：“我爸爸是什麽都會，什麽都懂的人。” HEHE. =D

雖然人在台灣不能跟你慶祝父親節，但是有心就好，對不對？XD
再次祝你父親節快樂。=D
要好好照顧身體。=D
我們愛你！

Colour photoshop life

I Love Colours.
I Love to play with Colours.
Blue + Orange = Contrast
Red + Green = Contrast
Sometimes we need CONTRAST in our life.
It shouldn't be boring yet it shouldn't be too colourful too.
(@.@)

I like Black and white before.
How dull my life was.
Feather:
They'll stop is to learn and they'll fly away is to reach their dream.

Few more days I'll be like a feather.
Fly back to my hometown.
=D

“我還是很希望那是打錯或漏掉的。我還是一直希望奇跡會出現~~~但是那似乎已成為事實。今天突然讓我再次想起它，我又再一次的感到沮喪。因為自己的不足造成永遠失去它，我還是有點不服氣但是我沒有勇氣再次去爭取，因為它已成定局。如果再給我一次機會，我一定好好的幹下去！”

今天討論傳播敘事。
大家一直在想要怎麼present，我有給一些建議也熱力的討論。
在選擇負責present的對象時，他們說要找聲音好聽的人上臺講。
所以每個組員一個一個試音。
另外一位組員似乎知道我聲音是可以的，是她叫我也試試看。
如果不是她，我想他們想也不想叫我試音。
我似乎早已經被封殺。
輪到我的時候我講了一段，大家覺得我的聲音夠感性可以上臺講，我當然很開心。
但是突然其中一位組員說一聽馬上聽得出這不是台灣人。
提議我的同學說：“這沒關係啊，這沒有分國別的啊！”
之後就以“那你就用馬來西亞文開始介紹好了”這個笑點帶過。
笑完了繼續討論別的。沒有想要雇用我的意思了。
其實他們會這樣也不能怪他們，是我自己沒有標準的華語。
這個責任這麼重大，被我破壞了也不好。
我不是對自己沒有信心，而是為大局著想，一切都有可能發生。

這不是重點，重點在於，這一次的討論突然勾起前幾個月不開心的事情。
他們讓我想起不接受我的政大之聲實習單位。
我做出很大的決心選擇廣播為實習單位。
放棄另一邊是因為知道申請兩邊會帶給自己不利。
結果出來，唯獨（跟我一起面試的組）我的名字沒有出現。
當時我真的瞭解崩潰是什麽，我真的體驗到傷心是什麽。
我很moody 的那一個禮拜，最後終於鼓起勇氣到那裡面對面問他們不選我的原因。
她打電話跟我說有一個部份我不怎麼好，然後還是與別人安慰我的方式一樣“可以到外面實習”。
haiz....謝謝你們的安慰，但是我很想說，我要出去早就出去了，那幹嘛還要選學校的？
我來這裡就是要學東西，學校能夠支援的，是免費的當然要去學啊！
去外面要花錢，坐車不用錢哦？！賺到的也應該只有那麼一點點。

我很想說：“算了” 怪就怪我跩！
面試這麼重要也不好好表現，真是該死！
我有時候會想我來這裡是對的嗎？
這是我要的嗎？
我開心嗎？
爲什麽我會突然覺得我沒有去處？是我接觸的東西不夠多才會這樣嗎？
我腦力只有學校那幾個實習單位，別的究竟跟我學的領域有什麽關係？
我依然是那溫室裡的小花，一直不敢踏出那溫室。
我不服氣！我真的不服氣！
上榜的出乎我意料，他沒有表現的怎麼樣啊！
爲什麽？這公平嗎？
而且我現在的情況很尷尬。
我不知該怎麼說好。
有時我會覺得沒有一個傾訴的對象。
有時我會想如果有一天這個行業不接受我，我可否往音樂這方面發展？
我是否應該更換自己的想法？
以前想讀設計，但是覺得每個人都在做所以沒有學。
以前想學珠寶設計，但是覺得很難找到好的後路所以沒有學。
我一直想太多，一直想一直想，耽誤了時間。
三心兩意就是我的本性。

我剛剛 竟然再次上政大之聲的網站看看上榜的名單，依然希望奇跡會出現。
但是，神靈不幫我，它依然保持之前那個樣子。
看來它真的成為定局了，就連候補也沒有我的分。
我真的對它又愛又恨，想不要去想它但是又覺得不服氣。
我很想做出一些東西證明自己，讓我證明給他們看不選我的後果。
我不是在賭氣，只是想尋找一個讓我把它忘掉的方法。
這時候只能靠我自己去證明，不能成為被動的人了。
自己的未來自己爭取，或許是我還沒有準備好。
這理由我希望這學期之後不會再被我用上。
我厭倦了理由的人生，我要的是證明！
真實的！
李烈說的：“想要就要動手做。”

我不想盲目的做一樣東西，也不想盲目的期待奇跡出現。
我要爭取我想要的。

SPM 考完之後，我真的經歷了不少需要爭取的事情。
有哭過、有氣過、有煩過等等，這些雞毛的小事情就足以讓我這樣，
那現在算什麽？！現在這個更雞毛！
沒有父母的依賴，全需靠自己。
在這裡四年我真的需要被磨練。
自己哭就好，到外面絕對不能讓人知道你弱，這樣反而會害到自己。

前幾個月，我無緣無故哭出來。
走路的時候腦袋似乎是放空的，但是就是想哭。
我嘗試告訴朋友，但是她似乎不瞭解我。
我也不想多說。
我重來都不會拿衛生紙擦眼淚，這一次我用了。
這樣她們就看不到了。
我很想曝露出自己真實的感情，但是我太小心了。
什麽事情都壓抑著，別人鐵定看不到。
其實我心裡很想要大家知道我正在傷心，需要一些安慰，但是我掩飾的功力太好了。
我也不會刻意要告訴他們說我哭，這有必要嗎？

好了， 這真的是我真情流露的好地方。
我腦力想什麽就印在這裡了。

晚安大家~~
ciao~~

Next Semester Wishes

Well, I decided to become the Accompanist for next year's Culture Cup Choir Competition.
And I'll be in my Year 2 of Undergraduate.
OMG, Time pass really really fast.
I become Senior and will become the Leader.
The Culture Cup is a Choir Competition held by my Uni every year.
I'm glad that I was asked whether I have the will to become the Accompanist.
Well, I used 3 weeks to decide and I said YES. :)
To be the accompanist, I think I'll face a lot of pressure.
I can't even make any mistake as in ter-press a key.
I think I'll get scold by them. LOL
Well, wish me luck next semester, everyone will be busy like hell and I'm so so happy because I'm living down hill but not up hill, so no matter how late we practice I can still go back to my hostel FAST!

Today, I had my Jazz Dance performance.
Seriously, I'm really happy when I dance.
This is my first time to learn dancing which I wanted to learn desperately before.
So now this is it, our compulsory course---Sports.
I choose Jazz to challenge myself.
I want to thank my teacher who always support us and giving us confident.
My groupmate, they are the best!
We didn't know each other on the first day, day after day, we got closer and practiced together.
It's fun to dance. We'd finally showed everyone our creativity in choreography.
I believe we still have the 'bond' to be in a group someday.
I'm pleased to have such memories in this semester.

Summer Holiday, what am I gonna do?
I wish to work in Radio or TV station to gain some experience.
Well, not only wish, must take action now.
Then, learn dancing at night.
That's what I wanna do.
To be as worthy as possible, I wanna make myself useful!

Ciao~~

Panorama in life

Panorama is a description, study or set of pictures that presents all the different aspects or stages of a particular subject, event, etc.

My life is as if Panorama.
Everything that I'd gone through was like stages and stages.
Like what we'd loved to use the function in our handphone---Panorama.
Normal phone can only capture 3 pictures and create a new wide-combined photo.
Using Panorama as an adjective to describe one life. Interesting.
When you are facing problem or feel tired, inspiration will come spontaneously.

Recently, I feel tired facing group work.
Especially with people who are strict-to-law, fixed-to-time, straight-in-speaking etc.
I refreshed back and thought a lot about the conversation we'd made, I shouldn't use so much emotional-talk in our conversation. Emotional as in being the weak one. WTH!
Well, 10 person in a group. I have had a job before, but due to the keep-on-changing-style, I'd become unemployed.
I don't know how will they judge me, but I will still judge myself with good marks because I know what I'd did.
While doing this group work, I thought a lot of things.
1. Do I have at least something that make people feel that "You must not go, WE NEED YOU".
2. Do I have a specialty to continue doing group work with other people?
3. Do I have problems when being asked to give opinions or suggestions?

Answer for No.3,
I gave suggestions honestly, but maybe due to different-minded, mine was always be rejected. Perhaps I shouldn't use REJECTED harshly, so then it should be FADED OUT WITH OTHERS' SUGGESTION. Mine will be faded out slowly. =__=
Well, sometimes I do feel not good, but I shouldn't blame on other people too.
Is there something wrong with me?
Eventhough if I have no mood to discuss that day, I should be more objective when dealing with this kind of problem. It shouldn't be emotional.
As a conclusion, I don't think I did anything in this group.
I was forced not to do anything, I just couldn't find a place for me to enter and I'm always the audience looking at them busy doing things I don't really into it.

Every New semester, I will have my own resolution.
It ended up to nothing. LOL...
Seriously, I have the determination in doing exercise on the first 2 months of my second semester. I don't think I should find reasons to persuade myself why I didn't continue for the rest 3 months.
One more thing is sleeping.
I slept early for the first month, but this resolution was broken due to some reasons.

Anyway, my panorama life contends happiness, sadness (政大之聲), angry, crazy etc.
To Success, we must Take Action.
To Take Action, we must Plan.

Ciao~~~study mood on.

Problems Imma facing

First of all,
I have a lot of things to write,
academics and things other than academic.
Neither May nor June I can relax.


I don't like group work, especially in a BIG group.
Not to say that I'm a lonely thinker, I just don't think working in a big group of 10 people will have a good result.
I got along with them well before as in giving suggestions or opinion.
but then, recently I felt that I don't belong to them because I was as if a Free-person in the group.
I actually have a job to be done, but it had been done by other people without telling me.
Yep, I should be happy because I don't need to do anymore yet I don't have anything to do.
I know it's not good without doing anything but will be done by other members.
So, I offer myself, if there are anything that they need help can ask me to do.
See~~~~~This is the worst thing that made me feel sad.
Well, after serious thought, I tell myself.
"You got nothing to do, who will care?! If you wanna have good result, join them or volunteer and be more initiative. Who cares if you don't have good marks?! Well, this is kinda realistic I know, yet to have good "marks" from other members is kinda important too."
You are active before at the front stage perhaps in the preparation stage, but normally people memories will only be in the last stage of creating project stage, thus I must have good impression to other member, isn't it?!
This is how I advice myself, TRUE?!
Whatever, if I appear more in their meeting, and give more opinion, maybe I still can be cure.

Pass few days or maybe weeks, I was in a dilemma of buying air tickets.
That time I really feel stressed and wasted most of my time in AA website.
AA website was like, GTH!!! It sucks till the max!!!
Grrr`~~~~anyway, at least I have experience in buying it already.
The most important thing is I have to plan ahead, for what I have to do etc.

Today, I was an actress.
LOL~~~
I helped my senior to be the main actress for their assignment.
Well, although it was kinda bored because there were no script, no sound.
Easy huh. Just expression must be over lo.
Quite fun and I'd learned something new. =)

Yesterday, attended the Graduation Day.
Took a lot of pictures with seniors. =)

Lyone Ivoka (FB name) 邵權。=)

Blackie, 小黑

Hun Seng, 漢城
Chee Hee, 志喜

Year One, 大一們與ROROJian

家裡咧

我覺得她很上鏡

漂亮Banlat 家學姐。=D

I gave him a card named RORO.

Bill Chow the cute one XD

I like this with no reason. =)

That's it for my photos sharing.=)
Making myself to be happier is to shopping with roommates and friends!
Ya, FYI, i bought dresses recently wanting to change myself into~~~~~a girl. >_<
Wish me luck kay, and diet in process.
Do not invite me for Buffet, I can't tahan!!! >_<