人們都愛做夢，美夢、噩夢，為的是完成那未完成的心願。
我很愛做夢，與其說做夢 我比較喜歡說想像。
我想像過很多故事，主角都是我。可見，我是一個自我中心重的人，缺乏關愛和關注時，我會開始慌、懷疑和憂慮，甚至把瑣碎的事情放大——俗稱想很多。日積月累，我的想像病越來越重，甚至抵達，死亡。昨天，我真的覺得自己很恐怖，我很害怕這樣的自己。於是我哭了一整夜，而那又是一個失眠的夜晚，我想振作，決定吃個泡麵不管體重了。
想像的故事大綱：
[先基本介紹]
我跟一位男生持續聊天6個月，6月中見過一次面。之後還是持續有聊天，只是時間慢慢的縮短，也變得比較冷淡。我承認自己對他有好感，因為我好像是那種喜歡習慣的人，習慣他每次都會主動找我，要說交心我覺得還沒到很交心，可是有深入互相了解的。這段冷淡期，我想很多：可能人家就是沒很喜歡你、可能他跟你一樣寂寞只想聊天、可能你想太多、可能他的動作就是慢慢fade out的意思。累積累積著這些未知數，加上最近工作生活也都給自己太多未知數，我心裡承載的“未知數”實在太多，漸漸的導向這些都是事實，而我也變得越來越悲觀，於是哭泣。朋友說，那你為什麼不直接問呢？我就是問不出耶 怎麼辦。:(
昨天晚上，我們聊了4句，一樣他都已讀不回我 （我前天有說過他都已讀不回我，他的理由是他每天運動很累都睡死在沙發上）。我只想聊天，於是到skout隨便聊聊，他突然message我 “傻瓜” 當下我就很想哭了。我分析那時候的情緒，也許是委屈也許是傷心。我從床上起身，看著手腕，摸著青筋，想像著，手腕流血之後各種可能性。如果我躺在床上幾個小時都沒人來開門把我送去醫院，我真的會死嗎？
【我編了一個故事】
我割了手腕，傳了一封很長的信給他，內容大概就是 “很開心認識你，但可不可以我們就停止這一切？我承認自己對你有好感，但是好像這只是我的習慣，我已經不知道喜歡是什麼。你對我的主動慢慢減少之後，習慣像是被打壞，我想很了多未知數，我想你應該也知道，因為新鮮認識我的時候我真的毫無保留的說自己內心的事情。你也知道我很愛哭。我想了又想，這樣的我連我都不喜歡了，怎麼會有人喜歡這樣的我呢？我不奢望在這個階段，我的懦弱我的沒自信，我的需要被關懷被愛的心，去控制我，甚至找到一個喜歡我的人。只因為在這階段，一直每天主動找我的人是你，也許因為你現在才知道原來我心底是這樣的。我也不知道自己為什麼變得如此悲觀，我不喜歡也不想要這樣的自己，我想知道為什麼？我給了自己一個答案，上一段戀情的傷痛；傷痛延續到我的工作；我對於人性充滿疑惑；因為同事、因為老闆、因為前男友，我對於人開始不信任，於是我覺得自己很孤單。我更變得冷漠。我真的很不喜歡現在的我，但好像越來越嚴重，失眠哭泣，月經前憂鬱症可能只是藉口，荷爾蒙和情緒完全控制了我。只是這無助感越來越嚴重。只想好好跟你說再見。”
訊息傳到你的手機了。
我繼續想像著，你沒有我的手機，我們沒有共同朋友，只有Line軟體聯絡。你要怎麼找到我在新店的住處？可能Facebook很快就找到，你就可以到在我照片底下留言的人，趕快每個都聯絡，為的是找到我，然後把我救出來。
故事結束。
[總結]
我其實不想用死結束。我有這念頭已經很可怕了，我很怕。
哭得更嚴重，因為我覺得自己的想像越來越可怕。
2016年，只要一個人搭公車，尤其前往公司的路程，僅僅十分鐘我就想像了一個故事，然後自己哭了。
昨天會吃泡麵振作，因為媽媽抱著我的畫面突然出現，說 “工作不開心就不要做了” 那時候我正準備搭電車前往機場，鼻腔和胸口酸酸的強忍淚水。
在這階段，朋友對我很重要，但是我都不好意思每次找她們，她們應該也不喜歡這樣的我。上禮拜看到學姐好友在2013年給我的訊息，開頭就說：“喜歡天蠍的自信和才華，要繼續努力” 等等的話，我才恍然大悟，正因為以前的我，才能吸引和遇見這些朋友。現在的我，負面、悲觀、沒自信，我只想越逃越遠，我不想讓你們看到這樣的我，太，脆弱了。我更不知道該怎麼抒發，因為這不是一句兩句可以說出來的。
對了，
我快事業了。
在接受各種的精神折磨後，我鼓起勇氣提了。
這是我第一次這麼心痛的割捨自己的愛——音樂。
我感覺自己很弱很弱很弱。
我不知道自己要去哪裡，
像一個瞎忙碌的人，
沒有未來沒有目標，
最忙的人就是閒人。
我很想諮詢，不知道是不是心病，我很想解決我自己的問題
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Saturday, June 11, 2016
台北市敦化南路
表情變化的速度已經比龍捲風襲走人類還快了，
不知根源。
啊！
我看過目無表情的我，真欠揍。
不知根源。
啊！
我看過目無表情的我，真欠揍。
中午延著敦化南路享受著台北的冷清，感覺端午節連假才是好好呼吸的時候。雨水細細的打在我的帆布鞋上，腳趾頭慢慢感覺冰涼，濕濕的有些不舒服。走著走著，只期待能夠喝一杯暖胃的黑咖啡。進到咖啡廳裡，選了第一次光顧的位置坐下來，大大的落地窗一直是我夢寐以求的空間。
吃飽，離開，再延著敦化南路往回走。
走著走著，乾了的鞋子再次被雨弄濕了。
怎麼同樣的一條路，走了好幾遍，這次感覺特別孤單和一個人？
思考著的時候，我已經抵達公車站，上了車。
走著走著，乾了的鞋子再次被雨弄濕了。
怎麼同樣的一條路，走了好幾遍，這次感覺特別孤單和一個人？
思考著的時候，我已經抵達公車站，上了車。
Thursday, June 9, 2016
接受封閉的自己
人生歷程裡，有一段時間，會把自己封閉。
對於人的互動更是難以拿捏，甚至走向扭曲的道路。害怕受傷害，害怕自己也許有一天瞬間崩潰，害怕晚上鼻子和喉嚨莫名其妙酸了起來，沒來由的想要哭泣。
執著，我執著著要在這裡累積更多，有機會更想在這裡紮根生活，這想法脆弱的我不願意告訴任何人。想要成為一名歌手的意識，就如剛出生的嬰兒一樣，需要全心全意的去呵護，不多加保護就會粉身碎骨的感覺。一個外國人要到別人的土地紮根，首先還得得到本土人的容許。可見，好像，很難。不怪罪於“我是外國人”這個身份，也許本土人自己也面臨了各種危機。工作以來，面臨的危機感讓我精神有時很累，即便工作非常的自由，越是自由的東西責任越重。階級的遊戲規則不好玩，更是有著各種隱形的自相殘殺，只是我們都裝著沒事，不痛。貓咪會自己為自己舔傷口，人類也是，只是不夠光明正大。
不要害怕，一個人的台北，還有音樂陪伴著你。有一段時間，把人們拒於千里之外，帶上耳機，活在自己的世界裡。曾經，我的文字充滿幼稚、傻大姐、樂觀；如今，我的文字充滿悲傷、憂慮和悲觀。我接受自己的改變，我想盡辦法讓自己更好，我很努力，也很想努力。我加油，也很想加油。只是我無地自容，有時候甚至負面的覺得自己不需要存在。
從與文字不合的我，如今越來越熱愛文字，因為原來很多腦子裡的透明，文字可以讓它實體化。就如音符也一樣。
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Broke up and 5 months time dragging
Hi, I broke up, with him. On 25th December 2015, Christmas Day after we had a movie together watching《追婚日記》. Today is the 4th month. I guess I recovered 80%. I am speechless with our ending. I think no one cares and no one loves me anymore. Guess that I got really hurt from this relationship although it only ends for like 3months+. I wanted to brake up with him often. I feel this relationship is too fake and insecure, well anyway I conclude that "He doesn't love me much because he doesn't know what he wants and he is still waiting for that girl". Well, after these all, I am confused too. I don't know what I want and I can't differentiate real and fake feelings. I hesitate and doubt to what people said. I don't believe what they said and will judge and think a lot.
Negative power concurs me blogger. My colleagues and those people around me are so negative. I got emotional easily and I lost my patience often. It was like the whole world did something wrong to me and they owe me an apology.
Maybe the last relationship and my job is the main factor. I feel like leaving, leaving this negative environment and go to a clean circle. 4 months blogger, 4 months, I wasted my time from January till now. I think everyday, every seconds whether to stay or to leave. If I leave, where should I go? Where will I be? What should I do? Who will accept me? Who will welcome me? I feel so alone, helpless. I am all alone, my feelings my emotion my decision, all by myself.
Why? People can spoil your sincerity with one words, with evil. Am I wrong to be sincere? Sometimes I feel it's a waste to put efforts whole-heartedly, you'll get hurt in the end and no one appreciate. I feel like I'm turning evil too, as a revenge. I know this isn't a good choice.
4 months, 120 days, I cried for 60 days+? 以淚洗面.
Anyways good night
Negative power concurs me blogger. My colleagues and those people around me are so negative. I got emotional easily and I lost my patience often. It was like the whole world did something wrong to me and they owe me an apology.
Maybe the last relationship and my job is the main factor. I feel like leaving, leaving this negative environment and go to a clean circle. 4 months blogger, 4 months, I wasted my time from January till now. I think everyday, every seconds whether to stay or to leave. If I leave, where should I go? Where will I be? What should I do? Who will accept me? Who will welcome me? I feel so alone, helpless. I am all alone, my feelings my emotion my decision, all by myself.
Why? People can spoil your sincerity with one words, with evil. Am I wrong to be sincere? Sometimes I feel it's a waste to put efforts whole-heartedly, you'll get hurt in the end and no one appreciate. I feel like I'm turning evil too, as a revenge. I know this isn't a good choice.
4 months, 120 days, I cried for 60 days+? 以淚洗面.
Anyways good night
Monday, October 19, 2015
From premature to maturity
Hi Blogger, I'm back. One year passed. You've had missed lots of my great experiences through out the year! Well, it was a night I was sharing my stories to my boyfriend, and I remembered you and mentioned your existence in my life. So now I'm back to recall some memories by sharing them with you, and, to improve my English perhaps. teehee.
I read the latest post I wrote was 2014, October, about my job while I was a freshman. Yeah, I'm still working with the music producer as mentioned, my job scopes increased and sometimes I have no privacy. I think it's not easy to work in this entertainment industry, be it the communicating skills with people, socializing skills, managing skills etc. It is exactly what I want to be while I was choosing my degree course, but when it comes to the society, you'll give lots of discounts to the iamgined-perfections. Yeah, 'perfect' is just imagination, WAKE UP!
Let me start from what I'm doing now. I write proposal, for my boss to do presentation and meetings with company bosses for the purpose to collaborate or for sponsorship, it varies. I feel awkward sometimes with my job, it feels like working at home but I can actually feels the invincible pressures around me. I design, video editing, artist managing, music composing, music production assistant, singing bla bla bla, I have many roles and sometimes I'm confused. Once, I asked myself, what do I want to be? Singer? or Production related? Behind-the-scene or on the stage? I have no answer. The best thing and motivation is to be prepared everyday and try to change yourself, be it your values, your thoughts or physical.
Although I'm still in a mist without exact direction in my life, but I think it's important to push yourself harder. I'm not hard enough I know. but Blogger, I changed a lot, I do exercise 3-4 times a week, I run, I'm a runner, the longest run I'd run was 12km in 1hr15min. I eat healthy, less oil less salt and I seldom drink. I took me a long time to decide for these changes. Well, at least I chose the right way to have a better life, to reach the targeted weight. When I feel to give up, I will talk to myself. The time I'd used throughout the changing process will be wasted, by then I continued. :) Thinking positively is important to success I believe.
Do you know I have 2 relationships this year? The first relationship last for about 2 months (Jan+Feb). Hmmm not much memories and we were like strangers. He is not the right guy. but I was real sad, it's normal right? okay let's not talk about him, passed by. I found my 2nd relationship on end-of-August, we chat for 3 weeks, and meet for 2 weeks, and we got together. This is abit different because I feel like there is a connection. yet we are still not familiar enough. Still a stranger to me I assume. I think I grew up after the first relationship, I got the experience and I know what to do. I hope I can grow up from this relationship.
Okay. that's all for now. I'm tired. Good night blogger. I'll miss you. :D
I read the latest post I wrote was 2014, October, about my job while I was a freshman. Yeah, I'm still working with the music producer as mentioned, my job scopes increased and sometimes I have no privacy. I think it's not easy to work in this entertainment industry, be it the communicating skills with people, socializing skills, managing skills etc. It is exactly what I want to be while I was choosing my degree course, but when it comes to the society, you'll give lots of discounts to the iamgined-perfections. Yeah, 'perfect' is just imagination, WAKE UP!
Let me start from what I'm doing now. I write proposal, for my boss to do presentation and meetings with company bosses for the purpose to collaborate or for sponsorship, it varies. I feel awkward sometimes with my job, it feels like working at home but I can actually feels the invincible pressures around me. I design, video editing, artist managing, music composing, music production assistant, singing bla bla bla, I have many roles and sometimes I'm confused. Once, I asked myself, what do I want to be? Singer? or Production related? Behind-the-scene or on the stage? I have no answer. The best thing and motivation is to be prepared everyday and try to change yourself, be it your values, your thoughts or physical.
Although I'm still in a mist without exact direction in my life, but I think it's important to push yourself harder. I'm not hard enough I know. but Blogger, I changed a lot, I do exercise 3-4 times a week, I run, I'm a runner, the longest run I'd run was 12km in 1hr15min. I eat healthy, less oil less salt and I seldom drink. I took me a long time to decide for these changes. Well, at least I chose the right way to have a better life, to reach the targeted weight. When I feel to give up, I will talk to myself. The time I'd used throughout the changing process will be wasted, by then I continued. :) Thinking positively is important to success I believe.
Do you know I have 2 relationships this year? The first relationship last for about 2 months (Jan+Feb). Hmmm not much memories and we were like strangers. He is not the right guy. but I was real sad, it's normal right? okay let's not talk about him, passed by. I found my 2nd relationship on end-of-August, we chat for 3 weeks, and meet for 2 weeks, and we got together. This is abit different because I feel like there is a connection. yet we are still not familiar enough. Still a stranger to me I assume. I think I grew up after the first relationship, I got the experience and I know what to do. I hope I can grow up from this relationship.
Okay. that's all for now. I'm tired. Good night blogger. I'll miss you. :D
Friday, October 10, 2014
Hi Blogger, It has been 1 year and 3 months I never meet you.
Miss ya much.
As usual, I will look for you when I'm in a mist, because you are my best friend forever.
Anyway, will blog in English to improve myself.
Well, I have graduated from my university.
I learned a lot from there, in all aspects. If you remember, I met a music producer in a recording studio last year. Meeting him made my life changed. I don't have any plan for my future during my last year in uni, I am not an ambitious girl wanting my life to be like a superstar. I have a clear mind to make myself to be one part of this music industry, I want to be part of it. I appreciate a lot to have this opportunity when he showed me the contract.
To be honest, I struggled at first. I had only few days to make a decision. I met my teacher who is also in this industry, I discussed with my family and friends, I talked to myself everyday (well this habit starts when I was in primary school, talking to myself in the mirror, perhaps to build confidence). I signed and agreed.
So now, I got the chance to perform in live house, chance to write songs and sending them to Music company. I try to work hard on it.
I was asked to work at his company, with his girlfriend. Yes, there are three of us in this company. Only. Of course I'll say yes because I don't need to search for job. Well, something awkward happens. My two friends who is under him who are also from Malaysia, I believe they have hard feelings towards me. They choose me, but why not them? I can't explain much because I don't think it helps yet it will making the situation to be more awkward as well. So, I will be the listener, I will do my position as a Friend. Things go neutral as time pass.
They told me what they think. I listened.
It's about the music producer.
Well, let me describe what am I doing in my work, it's more administrative rather than music. I worked for 2 months and don't even have time to sing because everyday is tiring.
I know, to be a small tiny little part of this music industry, we must have our own music related CV, I'm still in Workhard-mode to accumulate experiences. Do you think I can blogger?
Can you tell me what am I going to do for my PLAN B?
I can't always rely on a single-track, I need to have many tracks to walk on my own road. but now, I'm single, although it is like WOW you have your future, but how many percentage is it? It's not a mathematics question, it's a Yes or NO.
I tell myself, now is like a bet in a casino, I bet my own life by choosing this path. UNKNOWN. The only way to make this path look smooth is to improve myself and believe in faith and luck. How much percentage then? 1%? 100%?
You know what I mean or not Blogger?
Now I was like losing this friend. It's a competitive game like the Hunger Games. I win the 2 malaysian friends, but I lose in friendship. Well, not that we are not friends anymore, but there will always be a crack-mark between us, you know?!
The worse thing is life is you can't see anything but you can feel something hard, THE INVINCIBLE WALL!
You know what I mean or not Blogger?
Miss ya much.
As usual, I will look for you when I'm in a mist, because you are my best friend forever.
Anyway, will blog in English to improve myself.
Well, I have graduated from my university.
I learned a lot from there, in all aspects. If you remember, I met a music producer in a recording studio last year. Meeting him made my life changed. I don't have any plan for my future during my last year in uni, I am not an ambitious girl wanting my life to be like a superstar. I have a clear mind to make myself to be one part of this music industry, I want to be part of it. I appreciate a lot to have this opportunity when he showed me the contract.
To be honest, I struggled at first. I had only few days to make a decision. I met my teacher who is also in this industry, I discussed with my family and friends, I talked to myself everyday (well this habit starts when I was in primary school, talking to myself in the mirror, perhaps to build confidence). I signed and agreed.
So now, I got the chance to perform in live house, chance to write songs and sending them to Music company. I try to work hard on it.
I was asked to work at his company, with his girlfriend. Yes, there are three of us in this company. Only. Of course I'll say yes because I don't need to search for job. Well, something awkward happens. My two friends who is under him who are also from Malaysia, I believe they have hard feelings towards me. They choose me, but why not them? I can't explain much because I don't think it helps yet it will making the situation to be more awkward as well. So, I will be the listener, I will do my position as a Friend. Things go neutral as time pass.
They told me what they think. I listened.
It's about the music producer.
Well, let me describe what am I doing in my work, it's more administrative rather than music. I worked for 2 months and don't even have time to sing because everyday is tiring.
I know, to be a small tiny little part of this music industry, we must have our own music related CV, I'm still in Workhard-mode to accumulate experiences. Do you think I can blogger?
Can you tell me what am I going to do for my PLAN B?
I can't always rely on a single-track, I need to have many tracks to walk on my own road. but now, I'm single, although it is like WOW you have your future, but how many percentage is it? It's not a mathematics question, it's a Yes or NO.
I tell myself, now is like a bet in a casino, I bet my own life by choosing this path. UNKNOWN. The only way to make this path look smooth is to improve myself and believe in faith and luck. How much percentage then? 1%? 100%?
You know what I mean or not Blogger?
Now I was like losing this friend. It's a competitive game like the Hunger Games. I win the 2 malaysian friends, but I lose in friendship. Well, not that we are not friends anymore, but there will always be a crack-mark between us, you know?!
The worse thing is life is you can't see anything but you can feel something hard, THE INVINCIBLE WALL!
You know what I mean or not Blogger?
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
喜歡到底是怎麼樣的了？
我并沒有真的很喜歡他
或是我只喜歡那時候的感覺
就像上一次一樣——那感覺
是吧？我自己也不知道
喜歡一個人到底是怎樣的了？
但是那感覺老實說并不真
是虛擬的 被改編過的
爲什麽？ 因為酒精
喜歡一個人到底是怎樣的了？
我問男性朋友
他說：“喜歡就是你看不到他就很傷心，看到他就很開心”
嗯 很簡單 很明白 很明確
我還是不知道 也找不到那個感覺
喜歡一個人到底是怎樣的了？
雙方互相努力
但是好像沒有好的結果
對方好像沒有很非常極度需要你的感覺
或許他也只是喜歡上一次——那感覺
是吧？我也不知道
因為我連喜歡一個人到底是怎樣的都不清楚了
簡單的事情被我搞得好複雜哦
以前常說 順其自然
再順你遲早還是要逆的
啊 加油啦
晚安
ciao~
或是我只喜歡那時候的感覺
就像上一次一樣——那感覺
是吧？我自己也不知道
喜歡一個人到底是怎樣的了？
但是那感覺老實說并不真
是虛擬的 被改編過的
爲什麽？ 因為酒精
喜歡一個人到底是怎樣的了？
我問男性朋友
他說：“喜歡就是你看不到他就很傷心，看到他就很開心”
嗯 很簡單 很明白 很明確
我還是不知道 也找不到那個感覺
喜歡一個人到底是怎樣的了？
雙方互相努力
但是好像沒有好的結果
對方好像沒有很非常極度需要你的感覺
或許他也只是喜歡上一次——那感覺
是吧？我也不知道
因為我連喜歡一個人到底是怎樣的都不清楚了
簡單的事情被我搞得好複雜哦
以前常說 順其自然
再順你遲早還是要逆的
啊 加油啦
晚安
ciao~
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
不再相信以前相信的
摘自易智言老師的狀態：
「危險心靈」中艾莉對小傑說，十五歲是你最後一個階段，還相信愛
沒想到我也會到達這個層級
以前我相信身邊的人一定都願意幫助我
相信愛情是單純容易的
相信互相彼此的承諾一定可以達成
相信只要真正做自己每個人都會/可以接受你
我理所當然的認為我當時相信的都是真的
原因很簡單 那時候的我還是個不知天高地厚的毛小孩
說話不經過大腦神經大條的小屁孩
只因為我披著“我還是青少女、我未滿18歲”的衣服
能夠逍遙的走過一群大哥哥大姐姐大叔大媽面前
我今年還有4個月轉21歲
這一切的相信在我自己來台灣讀大學之後迷迷糊糊的不見了
我相信有人願意幫助我 但不是每個身邊的人
我相信愛情很單純 但人的心不簡單也很複雜，人心難測
我相信承諾一定可以達成 但藉口往往是承諾的殺手
我相信做自己是最好的 但社會有時候不讓你做自己
問一個問題不能再像小屁孩問的問題
“你爲什麽要這樣做？”
“爲什麽他會變成這樣？”
這些問題最好是能夠回答的準確
無論在聊天、面試、工作、玩樂
腦里不斷的在運轉到底接下來要怎麼問
你問的問題代表你的年齡、經驗；
代表你這個人的想法是否成熟、專業領域上是否穩定
我在這裡學到的不是很炫的拍片、剪接、音樂製作、學習軟體的技巧
我學到的是怎麼做人 怎麼思考 怎麼分辨是非對錯 怎麼面對社會 怎麼跌倒爬起來
我喜歡政大 好喜歡政大
能夠在一個人文藝術氣息這麼濃厚的學校求學是我的榮幸
大一我努力的與系友混熟 主動參加各種活動
但，我似乎不夠努力
總覺得自己不夠好 他們都不喜歡我
或許也是因為沒有共同點 難以溝通
大二 我繼續努力但前功盡廢
一段友誼的鞏固來自于最初大家給你的“第一印象”
跟系上的朋友漸行漸遠 分組合作也話不多說
因此，我轉向馬來西亞同學會
大三 我似乎放棄 自己生活開心第一
努力打工希望賺取學費生活費
因為大三才開始真正做自己 我也有了幾段好的友誼
自己也慢慢的有自信
大四 還有兩個月就是老草
是榜樣 是被觀察的對象
繼續努力
如果說我大學到現在最有印象的是哪一年？
大三
瘋了也無法忘懷我做過的瘋狂事情
那些無厘頭的想法
比螞蟻還要大的勇氣
喪氣的做法
自我安慰的傻方式
Work hard Play hard Study smart, yes I balanced them well =)
大三下是我上課最混的一學期
成績可以有那麼一點點 flying colours
只能說我喜歡這生活 但也該適可而止了
未來不是說想玩就玩
好多事情要考慮在內
考慮經濟、未來、危機處理、工作
是很煩 但沒辦法 你不是有錢人
好多長輩都說我們要有夢想
至少有一個目標讓你前進
對，至少
不要只懂得崇拜到課堂上經驗分享的長輩
你的目標其實不就是像他們一樣有一天也把自己的經驗分享給晚輩
上大學以前，父母會幫忙你鋪路
上大學之後，路是自己走出來的
晚安
很滿意因故睡不著寫出來的東西
慧君
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Addicted or spoiled
Am I addicted or spoiled?
Gosh alcohol is not a toy
To my honest, I don't like the smell but I like the effect
Once my friend told me that people staying in the city are all facing a kind of city pressures? I think so. Is it because of the high competition between our peeps? Everyone wants to be the unique one. So alcohol helps you to forget things that you think you shouldn't do and helps you to increase excitement and to be very open.
but I believe one day these people will get bored and wanted to stop everything. Yes, am trying to stop. Once, I sit beside the dancing pool, looking at everyone there imagining myself inside there like a crazy girl (xiao zah boh), I asked myself, so what did I got? so what did I gained? so what did I learned?
Wasted up my time in a closed building and my earned money.
Nonsense!
All these questions will then burst out into lots of bubbles and disappear.
When you did something, you will try to do some other thing to cover it up, as a comfort I guess. So, I play with music. Well of course music is my life, just that I do a little bit more than before. I don't know is it MORE than before because it's just some cheap cake, but at least I did what I never do before, right?
Anyways, do what you want to do when you are young!
I hope if you are reading this, just read it and forget about it.
Gosh alcohol is not a toy
To my honest, I don't like the smell but I like the effect
Once my friend told me that people staying in the city are all facing a kind of city pressures? I think so. Is it because of the high competition between our peeps? Everyone wants to be the unique one. So alcohol helps you to forget things that you think you shouldn't do and helps you to increase excitement and to be very open.
but I believe one day these people will get bored and wanted to stop everything. Yes, am trying to stop. Once, I sit beside the dancing pool, looking at everyone there imagining myself inside there like a crazy girl (xiao zah boh), I asked myself, so what did I got? so what did I gained? so what did I learned?
Wasted up my time in a closed building and my earned money.
Nonsense!
All these questions will then burst out into lots of bubbles and disappear.
When you did something, you will try to do some other thing to cover it up, as a comfort I guess. So, I play with music. Well of course music is my life, just that I do a little bit more than before. I don't know is it MORE than before because it's just some cheap cake, but at least I did what I never do before, right?
Anyways, do what you want to do when you are young!
I hope if you are reading this, just read it and forget about it.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
說我很好是騙人的
我承認我現在越來越怕孤單
說我很好是騙人的
說有家人比一切都好 是真的
但是家人也不會一直在你身邊啊
兄弟姐妹有自己的人生
爸爸媽媽把我們養大之後也要繼續他們的二人世界了
每次走在街上
挺直胸膛 頭往遠方看 步伐看似自信 不苟言笑
路人應該會覺得我很驕傲 難以親近 不友善
在那驕傲的外表下 我卻很喜歡四處觀察
真正驕傲的人 走路的時候根本無視身邊的人事物
因為他們覺得路是他們的
在我那傲慢的外表下 其實我也很希望像周圍的人一樣
是的
跟一群朋友哈哈大笑；橫衝直撞的過馬路；手牽手的情侶；在旁邊抽煙憂鬱的人們
每次走那條“從宿舍到校碑”的路 都會發現很多不一樣的故事
說我很好是騙人的
當我生病的時候 要我想誰可以照顧我 好像沒有
媽媽嗎？我當然有想過
最喜歡小時候生病有媽媽照顧了
有好吃的 有休息時間 在家是大王
朋友嗎？我當然也想過
但是他們有什麽義務照顧你？
頂多只是幫忙你買吃的而已
現在獨立生活我不能渴望什麽特別照顧
自己買所有吃的 自己看醫生 自己買喉糖 自己安慰自己 自己讓自己睡覺
幹 我好討厭“自己一個人”
是什麽讓我們大家那麼的生疏
是什麽讓人們變得那麼少溝通
是什麽讓我覺得要開口求救好難哦
是什麽讓我告訴自己以後凡是靠自己就好
是什麽讓我覺得我很好是騙人的？
我不甘願自己一個人
所以我去尋找刺激
但那刺激對我來說已經變成錯誤
雖然如此 我還是會繼續....吧？
或許不會 因為我理性程度沒有那麼低
最近一直問身邊人 “我是不是變很多啊？”
好難回答的問題
其實在問這問題的時候 我希望你們回答的是“是”
我自己感受到自己的變化
我只是需要你們的勸告 告訴我這變化到底好不好
但是 不是每個人都看到我的變化
有一次我有很沉重很沉重的心事
導致我必須去找一個陌生人
吐出我所有想說的話
但是最後我放棄了
我還是過不了自己那一關
總覺得告訴一個完全不認識我的人我的事情不是更對不起自己嗎？
於是我還是找了那位朋友
也不知爲什麽我就是相信他
我願意把所有的一切告訴他
沒有原因 就是世界上你就是要有這種朋友就對了
哭過就好 我真的哭得好醜
說我很好是騙人的
說有家人比一切都好 是真的
但是家人也不會一直在你身邊啊
兄弟姐妹有自己的人生
爸爸媽媽把我們養大之後也要繼續他們的二人世界了
每次走在街上
挺直胸膛 頭往遠方看 步伐看似自信 不苟言笑
路人應該會覺得我很驕傲 難以親近 不友善
在那驕傲的外表下 我卻很喜歡四處觀察
真正驕傲的人 走路的時候根本無視身邊的人事物
因為他們覺得路是他們的
在我那傲慢的外表下 其實我也很希望像周圍的人一樣
是的
跟一群朋友哈哈大笑；橫衝直撞的過馬路；手牽手的情侶；在旁邊抽煙憂鬱的人們
每次走那條“從宿舍到校碑”的路 都會發現很多不一樣的故事
說我很好是騙人的
當我生病的時候 要我想誰可以照顧我 好像沒有
媽媽嗎？我當然有想過
最喜歡小時候生病有媽媽照顧了
有好吃的 有休息時間 在家是大王
朋友嗎？我當然也想過
但是他們有什麽義務照顧你？
頂多只是幫忙你買吃的而已
現在獨立生活我不能渴望什麽特別照顧
自己買所有吃的 自己看醫生 自己買喉糖 自己安慰自己 自己讓自己睡覺
幹 我好討厭“自己一個人”
是什麽讓我們大家那麼的生疏
是什麽讓人們變得那麼少溝通
是什麽讓我覺得要開口求救好難哦
是什麽讓我告訴自己以後凡是靠自己就好
是什麽讓我覺得我很好是騙人的？
我不甘願自己一個人
所以我去尋找刺激
但那刺激對我來說已經變成錯誤
雖然如此 我還是會繼續....吧？
或許不會 因為我理性程度沒有那麼低
最近一直問身邊人 “我是不是變很多啊？”
好難回答的問題
其實在問這問題的時候 我希望你們回答的是“是”
我自己感受到自己的變化
我只是需要你們的勸告 告訴我這變化到底好不好
但是 不是每個人都看到我的變化
有一次我有很沉重很沉重的心事
導致我必須去找一個陌生人
吐出我所有想說的話
但是最後我放棄了
我還是過不了自己那一關
總覺得告訴一個完全不認識我的人我的事情不是更對不起自己嗎？
於是我還是找了那位朋友
也不知爲什麽我就是相信他
我願意把所有的一切告訴他
沒有原因 就是世界上你就是要有這種朋友就對了
哭過就好 我真的哭得好醜
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
我錯了
每次自己一個人沒事做的時候 你是否會想一堆事情呢？
我今天想到一件事 可能也不止一件
我自己本來覺得 我不說你不說 一切就像沒發生過一樣
但是一個人閒著沒事做
隨便google了好多東西
我發現我真的真的真的 錯了
你也真的真的真的真的 更錯了
我一直覺得我跟其他女生是不一樣的
她們要的東西很明顯的擺出來說 “要！”
而我要的東西一定不會被看出
但 原來我的以為是錯的
其實我根本就跟她們沒兩樣
Google之後我開始更擔心 開始更後悔 開始更害怕
有些事情說要放下其實不簡單
我自己也不瞭解自己是否真的已經放下
因為事情總會不時的浮現在腦海裡
有時候它被拋到雲霄之外
有時候卻會突然回到你身邊
時間過了 你會時不時分析事情
從頭到尾分析一遍
這時候分析的你是最清醒的時候
所以自己分析出來的結果是對的
總有一天我一定會承認錯誤
但是絕對不是現在
我相信時間可以沖淡一切
但是那個痕跡卻是永遠 這我知道
對不起 我錯了
最後我更想說 你比我還要錯！
我也相信 我現在長大了
好多事情我自己做主 自己承受後果
做錯事沒有人幫你承擔 抗下錯誤
是你自己要承擔 抗下錯誤
誰管你啊？ 父母嗎？
你有臉的話就讓父母承擔
哭過之後 還要過另一天
不如微笑迎接後果
自作自受
勇於承擔 你的明天會更好
我今天想到一件事 可能也不止一件
我自己本來覺得 我不說你不說 一切就像沒發生過一樣
但是一個人閒著沒事做
隨便google了好多東西
我發現我真的真的真的 錯了
你也真的真的真的真的 更錯了
我一直覺得我跟其他女生是不一樣的
她們要的東西很明顯的擺出來說 “要！”
而我要的東西一定不會被看出
但 原來我的以為是錯的
其實我根本就跟她們沒兩樣
Google之後我開始更擔心 開始更後悔 開始更害怕
有些事情說要放下其實不簡單
我自己也不瞭解自己是否真的已經放下
因為事情總會不時的浮現在腦海裡
有時候它被拋到雲霄之外
有時候卻會突然回到你身邊
時間過了 你會時不時分析事情
從頭到尾分析一遍
這時候分析的你是最清醒的時候
所以自己分析出來的結果是對的
總有一天我一定會承認錯誤
但是絕對不是現在
我相信時間可以沖淡一切
但是那個痕跡卻是永遠 這我知道
對不起 我錯了
最後我更想說 你比我還要錯！
我也相信 我現在長大了
好多事情我自己做主 自己承受後果
做錯事沒有人幫你承擔 抗下錯誤
是你自己要承擔 抗下錯誤
誰管你啊？ 父母嗎？
你有臉的話就讓父母承擔
哭過之後 還要過另一天
不如微笑迎接後果
自作自受
勇於承擔 你的明天會更好
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Essay title: Expression
Hi. This is my first essay in 2013. We were often asked to write an essay during Bahasa Melayu, Chinese or English classes since our primary and secondary education. Title were always set by out teacher, for an example: "My family" , "If I am a pencil", "A trip to the zoo" etc. These titles fulfilled the 5W1H. Today my title is expression, it does sounds abstract. Every time when we were asked to write an essay during language subject sessions, I will give up and do some other things. Until the deadline reaches, last minute homework would be done. I was surprised once because my English essay was selected by my teacher to read in front of my classmates and it was when I'm in Form 5. I would like to say a big THANK YOU to Miss Lee Lian See who is my mum's colleague and friend and went to my house every Sunday morning to teach us in writing English essay. She taught my sister and I and her niece without accepting any tuition fees. Thank you teacher.
Well, the first that I'm going to express is about the General Election of Malaysia on 5th May 2013. I used to be not caring stuffs related to politics and race, I rather to be the silent one and to be a listener and observer. That's my roll before this election. I often confuse myself with those parties and their objectives in ruling Malaysia, so I prefer not to know and not to ask. We can only vote when we reach 21 years old, and I'm still under age, so no doubt I don't even care about voting. Until when Facebook become the must in our lives, my homepage was full with news related to the 0505 election, my friends and some pages sharing their opinions and voiced out about the doubt and unfairness of this election. From then on, my curiosity raised up, I realized that it's important to execute the civic duty to be one of the citizen.
I get live information from facebook about how the election results were, about how BN use the citizen's money, about some details that BN raised up the racism issues, about how the PM trick us with a brilliant black out magic. I'm not clear with any of these issues because these information were all from page sharing either from media or some personal fans page. This urge me to be even more curious in understand what happened? How will my hometown/ my country be? How our future will be? Although I look like I don't really care, but I do care from now on. It's not that I will do a research about this election and find out the facts but I just want to express how I feel about the MEDIA, the TRICK and the RACIST problem.
I'm a student studying Media studies, I used to believe what the Media said and what they reported. We were taught to be objective(客觀) while writing a news report, and we shouldn't add in any subjective(主觀) opinions in our report. Every time when a media men/women giving their speech about their experiences working in the media industry, 99% will say that this is a tiring industry, do not put high hope on it, do not think that what you learn in university can be applied in the industry etc. At first I got scared, later on I told myself that "if they can survive until now, why can't I?" Well, back to this 13th election, the first thing which triggered me to write this post is because I saw a Malaysia newpaper UTUSAN MELAYU headlines writing "Apa lagi Cina mahu?". This is so disappointing and sad. The media is no longer Objective, they are supported by different parties. How can a headline written "Apa lagi Cina mahu?", it's so obvious that they are trying to raise the racism issues again. I'm unhappy that Najib the Prime Minister describe this 13th election as "Chinese Tsunami". I'm not studying psychology yet this is so obvious that he's trying to raise racism issues AGAIN! If you are a Prime Minister, please make things neutral, do things that is related to the country's future but not making the internal to be in a mess!
Second, there are three main races in Malaysia: Malay, Chinese and Indian. After the independence of Malaysia on the 31st Aug 1957, these three races live together and survive in the same country. We Malaysian were taught about Malaysia's history since primary school without classifying whether you are Malay, Chinese or Indian. We studied the same history of Malaysia, yet now the racist issues arose everytime. Why? Who started it? We were taught every seconds to live peacefully with other races, and studied and understood each others' cultures. Why? because we live together in the same land. To reach peace we must first understand each other and work together. I knew it, so I kept my mind to be neutral towards race. I have Malay friends, Indian friends, yes, we are the same - Malaysian. I'm currently studying in Taiwan, everytime when my Taiwan friends asking that whether I'm a Malay, I will correct them saying that I'm a Malaysian Chinese. I will explain much about the specialty of Malaysia (3 main races) to make them understand how wonderful Malaysia is to have 3 different races living together. Differentiating Malaysian Chinese, Malaysian Malay, Malaysian Indian is just to make it clear because of the skin colour. US for an example, they differentiate their race by using black and white as an adjective only. To me, it's the fact. If you have a hard feeling of being differentiated or perhaps classified by the colour, it's your problem. Well, these are very very subjective opinions of me. No offense.
Third will be the Magic Trick from Najib discussed by almost everyone. I will not give much opinion about this trick because it's still a mystery, I guess. Najib said that it was a fair and clean election, but another party said they couldn't accept the result. I'll stay neutral in this case. Let the police to settle, perhaps they are neutral too? perhaps they do care for justice? or perhaps they don't even care those money but the safety of Malaysia? Anyways, from my opinion if this trick is real, what I can say is that DEMOCRACY IS DEAD. In contrast, Taiwan is a democratic country, I learned a lot here and the culture here is totally different from Malaysia. We can speak to express anything you want to say, we can do anything without any monitoring (well in this case maybe it's because I'm alone here, so I do think so).
As a conclusion, I have a blue IC, and I'm a MALAYSIAN. I care and love my own country. I do not hope that my country to be like this, my wish is just to live peacefully. I remember the year 2020 said by Mahathir , 2020 is a special year as Malaysia will be an advance country. But then, 7 years left, I'm just too curious whether Malaysia will reach this target or not? 加油.
Monday, April 29, 2013
瘋了
我真不知道自己在想什麽 在幹什麼
我只知道自己真的瘋了
我今天做了決定要去預約諮商
我要把一切事情告訴一位陌生人
這樣應該會好過吧？
爲什麽長大之後越來越複雜？
爲什麽長大之後我變得那麼多？
爲什麽長大之後才知道社會是如此的出乎我預料？
爲什麽長大之後我會這樣子？
爲什麽腦海裡一直有著很多的爲什麽？
爲什麽有些事情真的可以被劃分的那麼清楚而我有時候真的不想要把它弄得那麼清楚？
爲什麽長大之後講話可以越直接越好？
爲什麽長大之後心理總是怪怪的？
爲什麽在沒有家人的控管下我好像太自由了？
怎麼辦我真的好想找個陌生人聊天
聊什麽都好只要不是身邊任何一個我認識的人
我只知道自己真的瘋了
我今天做了決定要去預約諮商
我要把一切事情告訴一位陌生人
這樣應該會好過吧？
爲什麽長大之後越來越複雜？
爲什麽長大之後我變得那麼多？
爲什麽長大之後才知道社會是如此的出乎我預料？
爲什麽長大之後我會這樣子？
爲什麽腦海裡一直有著很多的爲什麽？
爲什麽有些事情真的可以被劃分的那麼清楚而我有時候真的不想要把它弄得那麼清楚？
爲什麽長大之後講話可以越直接越好？
爲什麽長大之後心理總是怪怪的？
爲什麽在沒有家人的控管下我好像太自由了？
怎麼辦我真的好想找個陌生人聊天
聊什麽都好只要不是身邊任何一個我認識的人
Friday, April 12, 2013
Stop me please
Seriously how great if those imaginary stuffs in my mind be written out black and white
I admit that these stuffs are all so C R E A T I V E !
I love to think a lot
but sometimes it will lead me to negative thoughts
It happens often when I'm here, Taipei, Taiwan.
I'd analyzed, when I was in KL during winter holiday, I had lots of free time to THINK, but I didn't.
but when I was in Taipei, I think a lot.
perhaps I don't have anyone to share or to really soul talk to
sounds sad huh
Well, so what am I thinking?
This and that.
Think about future and acted out.
Think about many 'what if'sss, and acted out.
Being the scriptwriter cum director cum actor.
Busy
Anyways, I'm now seriously out of mind
Writing without any points
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
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.
.
.
.
Okay, I miss you again.
Please go away can?
我曾看到：“要放下的時候就要放下，說不定對方根本沒把你放在心上”
這句話是真的
我還是放不下
我說真的
我不知哪根筋壞了
我真的壞了一點點
我每次會莫名其妙的想逼自己哭
因為這桶眼淚真的真的埋了好久
甚至導致我根本忘了怎麼哭
I need to be Fixed
:(
I admit that these stuffs are all so C R E A T I V E !
I love to think a lot
but sometimes it will lead me to negative thoughts
It happens often when I'm here, Taipei, Taiwan.
I'd analyzed, when I was in KL during winter holiday, I had lots of free time to THINK, but I didn't.
but when I was in Taipei, I think a lot.
perhaps I don't have anyone to share or to really soul talk to
sounds sad huh
Well, so what am I thinking?
This and that.
Think about future and acted out.
Think about many 'what if'sss, and acted out.
Being the scriptwriter cum director cum actor.
Busy
Anyways, I'm now seriously out of mind
Writing without any points
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay, I miss you again.
Please go away can?
我曾看到：“要放下的時候就要放下，說不定對方根本沒把你放在心上”
這句話是真的
我還是放不下
我說真的
我不知哪根筋壞了
我真的壞了一點點
我每次會莫名其妙的想逼自己哭
因為這桶眼淚真的真的埋了好久
甚至導致我根本忘了怎麼哭
I need to be Fixed
:(
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
人因夢想和障礙而長大
人因夢想而長大
但是往往就是會被種種原因限制了你
我知道我很容易說氣話，但是我仍然會努力的去做我要做的事
只是我很討厭現在的自己 一無所有
什麽畢業前一定要修的大學四學分 簡直是屁
付出那麼多的勞力得來的卻是那麼一點點的小錢
我知道人生不能總是想著不勞而獲
所以我努力的活著努力的靠自己的能力賺一點點
我討厭資本主義 所有事情總是“錢”
我當初的初衷到底在哪裡？
對於大學的憧憬到底在哪裡？
靠 我真的很想哭
家人說我每次都不主動找他們聊天
找了還不是簡單幾句
姐姐whatsapp給他們就想說她自己一個人在印度是不是太孤單？
我呢？難道你沒有想過嗎？
是，我常在fb po文，但你有沒有想過我爲什麽這麼愛po？
我只是使用另一種方式讓別人可以注意我！
爲什麽到了這個階段我突然會停下來？
我開始不瞭解自己了
但是往往就是會被種種原因限制了你
我知道我很容易說氣話，但是我仍然會努力的去做我要做的事
只是我很討厭現在的自己 一無所有
什麽畢業前一定要修的大學四學分 簡直是屁
付出那麼多的勞力得來的卻是那麼一點點的小錢
我知道人生不能總是想著不勞而獲
所以我努力的活著努力的靠自己的能力賺一點點
我討厭資本主義 所有事情總是“錢”
我當初的初衷到底在哪裡？
對於大學的憧憬到底在哪裡？
靠 我真的很想哭
家人說我每次都不主動找他們聊天
找了還不是簡單幾句
姐姐whatsapp給他們就想說她自己一個人在印度是不是太孤單？
我呢？難道你沒有想過嗎？
是，我常在fb po文，但你有沒有想過我爲什麽這麼愛po？
我只是使用另一種方式讓別人可以注意我！
爲什麽到了這個階段我突然會停下來？
我開始不瞭解自己了
Monday, March 11, 2013
不要這麼容易付出真心
有一次有人告訴我
“不要這麼容易付出真心”
不要這麼容易讓一個人看透你的心
越是捉摸不定越是個難搞的東西
這樣才有挑戰性
我認真覺得自己一直把我的保護層削薄
唉~~
加油好嗎
我也不想的
“不要這麼容易付出真心”
不要這麼容易讓一個人看透你的心
越是捉摸不定越是個難搞的東西
這樣才有挑戰性
我認真覺得自己一直把我的保護層削薄
唉~~
加油好嗎
我也不想的
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Hate this feeling
AGAIN again and AGAIN!!!
I hate this feeling
Being alone in my room with 3 empty tables, 3 empty chairs, 3 empty beds!
Roommates go back to their Taiwan home every weekends
leaving me alone in this silent and full-of-things room.
I wish to have my own privacy
yet now I have
Talk so much some more
Whatever
Back to the day before yesterday.
Was so regret that I never leave my contact
and now we loss contact
maybe that person doesn't want to?
gosh...What the hell am I thinking and acting?!
Drug shouldn't be exist in this world!
because I got 'addicted' already!
gosh... I wish to end it fast
to live stably.
Telling myself that to make yourself happier is to be confident
I'm making myself busy and no relation life
What the hell am I doing?
I seriously need a shoulder
I don't want my self-esteem to get even higher to prove to people that I can live on my own
What the hell am I acting?
I seriously is a good actress who could act like I'm very good
I'm just as if a lamb covered with wolf skin, AS IF okay! think in other ways.
I'm just tired.
I need a shoulder and ears to lie on and listen to me.
WISH.
Everything is only WISH.
Birthday wish.
Praying wish.
Don't expect it will come true!
Face the reality.
These are the FACTS!
Gosh...What the hell am I typing?
What the hell am I thinking now?
K BYE
ciao~~
I hate this feeling
Being alone in my room with 3 empty tables, 3 empty chairs, 3 empty beds!
Roommates go back to their Taiwan home every weekends
leaving me alone in this silent and full-of-things room.
I wish to have my own privacy
yet now I have
Talk so much some more
Whatever
Back to the day before yesterday.
Was so regret that I never leave my contact
and now we loss contact
maybe that person doesn't want to?
gosh...What the hell am I thinking and acting?!
Drug shouldn't be exist in this world!
because I got 'addicted' already!
gosh... I wish to end it fast
to live stably.
Telling myself that to make yourself happier is to be confident
I'm making myself busy and no relation life
What the hell am I doing?
I seriously need a shoulder
I don't want my self-esteem to get even higher to prove to people that I can live on my own
What the hell am I acting?
I seriously is a good actress who could act like I'm very good
I'm just as if a lamb covered with wolf skin, AS IF okay! think in other ways.
I'm just tired.
I need a shoulder and ears to lie on and listen to me.
WISH.
Everything is only WISH.
Birthday wish.
Praying wish.
Don't expect it will come true!
Face the reality.
These are the FACTS!
Gosh...What the hell am I typing?
What the hell am I thinking now?
K BYE
ciao~~
Friday, March 8, 2013
變
爲什麽我最近都有種“好不想再讀書”的感覺？
從小我們就一直學東西，以前的我還覺得以後我會是讀書的好學生
因為我就是對一切事物好奇，可以學習當然好
最近不知怎的，心已經不在讀書
越來越我行我素 想做什麽就沖著做
根本不想把太多心思放在學業上
明明規劃好要弄得東西 卻可以一直拖，拖到比黃河還要長。
我知道也自身經歷過 LAST MINUTE WORK will never ends up in good ending
但是我就是這種人
很想改 但改不了
每次想到要做一樣事情的時候 就很容易放棄很容易就說服自己說“明天再弄吧”
我要做我想做的事情
好煩
大學加油
從小我們就一直學東西，以前的我還覺得以後我會是讀書的好學生
因為我就是對一切事物好奇，可以學習當然好
最近不知怎的，心已經不在讀書
越來越我行我素 想做什麽就沖著做
根本不想把太多心思放在學業上
明明規劃好要弄得東西 卻可以一直拖，拖到比黃河還要長。
我知道也自身經歷過 LAST MINUTE WORK will never ends up in good ending
但是我就是這種人
很想改 但改不了
每次想到要做一樣事情的時候 就很容易放棄很容易就說服自己說“明天再弄吧”
我要做我想做的事情
好煩
大學加油
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