And yes, I miss you again.
So I cried. I won't tell and I won't show.
I know this is super stupid, why am I so silly?
I tried to let go, filling up the timetable FULLY, yet I can't avoid missing you.
You're not extraordinary, you're just a normal human being living on earth.
You have lots of things that I don't really like, but still I miss you.
I don't know where the hell do these thoughts happened on me, trying to accept people who smoke, who drink often. WTH!
I kept on persuading myself that, I like you is because of THAT small little moment, it shouldn't last for so long. Then?! It last for so long now.
I'm just too tired to get updated from FB about you.
This is seriously god damn unrealistic.
Making you as 'Close friends' as if we're close enough.
WTH! I'm so stupid, so silly, so useless.
Yet, I have my own setting though.
I won't be the one who take the initiative to start a conversation.
So now, one month goes on, your light goes green everyday and I'm waiting like a stupid waiting for miracles to happen?! WTH.
When the hack is 'LONELY' appeared in my life now?!
I feel so unsecured.
Although I made myself like no-need-anyone-to-care face, but it is seriously a fake one.
Everytime when I want to find someone to eat with me, either lunch or dinner, my mind went blank.
Yes, I have dream to reach, but without help, I need to go on a long long long journey.
Tired.
ciao~
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Maturity
It seems like maturity reaches me after the 2 months+ summer holiday in Taiwan.
Well, I did nothing special.
Just making my life busier and filling up all the blanks in my Schedule book.
Working is the only thing that I can do last summer, yet i really enjoyed.
Although I know administrative stuffs do not suit me but I can at least learn some communication techniques.
I loved to talk, but surprisingly I lower down my profile the first day I'm here, yes Taiwan.
Perhaps it's because of the differentiation between culture and habits, we speak the same language but what about the accents? what about the jokes? It's highly related with the society and the environment etc.
I made a lot of effort to adapt in this environment, in this culture that I tried to avoid before.
I was just too ego, thinking that people should be influenced by me.
Yes, I always putting myself in the middle of the circle, right in the middle point of the circumference.
Okay, I lose.
My opinions were always be rejected, my OVER creativeness is like a recycle paper waiting to go into the machine and be destroyed immediately. I made up my mind:" okay, I'll be quiet and you talk."
Well my classmates are all intelligent people, they can think and think and think, giving as many reasons as you can. At the end no conclusion, making everyone dizzy, don't know which to be decided.
Not to say that my opinions should be accepted, brainstorming is to listen and accept everyone's creativity. After collecting everything then only we proceed to the cruel SELECTION PROCESS.
Anyways, I'm happy that I dare to step out of this society.
I met some special people, different people during this summer.
I learned a lot from them, not from their intelligence but the way they think, the way they live.
They inspired me to make something different, influenced me that live is not like what you think and live is not just a straight line. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAKE YOUR LIFE COLOURFUL!
Our live were planned in a sequence before we step into the University, everything was like going through so smoothly because it was planned by your parents. but I was once perplexed, I don't know why am I living for these things? why am I doing all this stuffs? Why is my live was planned LIKE this?! I got no more time to stay in university, only four years. I must at least do something to prove myself, to make myself proud. Not to other people but myself.
It's really hard to describe my feeling through out the 2 months, but I can really feel that I'm ready to open my heart to love and adapt this so-called new environment Taiwan. I know it's a little bit late, but I'm happy now, being more optimistic and I am who I am NOW!
I told my Junior:"In university, we must always be initiative, chances will not wait for you but it's waiting for you to grab it from other people's hand." Yes this is another cruel site of this society. Prey-predator relationship.
Giving a perfect conclusion to this post is:
To make yourself happy, try the things that you never tried before. Then you will find out a solution to save yourself. Of course do not ever try to forget those talents that you are gifted, make full use of it and try to insert some other new things that you learned and improve slowly towards a PERFECT MASTERPIECE.
Well, I did nothing special.
Just making my life busier and filling up all the blanks in my Schedule book.
Working is the only thing that I can do last summer, yet i really enjoyed.
Although I know administrative stuffs do not suit me but I can at least learn some communication techniques.
I loved to talk, but surprisingly I lower down my profile the first day I'm here, yes Taiwan.
Perhaps it's because of the differentiation between culture and habits, we speak the same language but what about the accents? what about the jokes? It's highly related with the society and the environment etc.
I made a lot of effort to adapt in this environment, in this culture that I tried to avoid before.
I was just too ego, thinking that people should be influenced by me.
Yes, I always putting myself in the middle of the circle, right in the middle point of the circumference.
Okay, I lose.
My opinions were always be rejected, my OVER creativeness is like a recycle paper waiting to go into the machine and be destroyed immediately. I made up my mind:" okay, I'll be quiet and you talk."
Well my classmates are all intelligent people, they can think and think and think, giving as many reasons as you can. At the end no conclusion, making everyone dizzy, don't know which to be decided.
Not to say that my opinions should be accepted, brainstorming is to listen and accept everyone's creativity. After collecting everything then only we proceed to the cruel SELECTION PROCESS.
Anyways, I'm happy that I dare to step out of this society.
I met some special people, different people during this summer.
I learned a lot from them, not from their intelligence but the way they think, the way they live.
They inspired me to make something different, influenced me that live is not like what you think and live is not just a straight line. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAKE YOUR LIFE COLOURFUL!
Our live were planned in a sequence before we step into the University, everything was like going through so smoothly because it was planned by your parents. but I was once perplexed, I don't know why am I living for these things? why am I doing all this stuffs? Why is my live was planned LIKE this?! I got no more time to stay in university, only four years. I must at least do something to prove myself, to make myself proud. Not to other people but myself.
It's really hard to describe my feeling through out the 2 months, but I can really feel that I'm ready to open my heart to love and adapt this so-called new environment Taiwan. I know it's a little bit late, but I'm happy now, being more optimistic and I am who I am NOW!
I told my Junior:"In university, we must always be initiative, chances will not wait for you but it's waiting for you to grab it from other people's hand." Yes this is another cruel site of this society. Prey-predator relationship.
Giving a perfect conclusion to this post is:
To make yourself happy, try the things that you never tried before. Then you will find out a solution to save yourself. Of course do not ever try to forget those talents that you are gifted, make full use of it and try to insert some other new things that you learned and improve slowly towards a PERFECT MASTERPIECE.
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