錯覺也很好

你知道嗎
我以為一切都是雙方的
我真的很不明白那個意思
但是最後一句我真的愣住了

世界這麼多人
好的壞的善意的虛偽的假意的
我不是神一看就知道對方是什麽心態
雙方都很直接  但我覺得我不應該直接
我寧願讓它繼續也不要這麼快被打斷
我現在知道曖昧是個討人厭的東西
它可以變好也可以永遠變壞
一旦壞了那就真的很難彌補

是的...我外表熱情內心冰冷
爲什麽冰冷的心被打破卻又突然被告知沒有適合的地方住

我哭......但哭不出來
爲什麽？之前都很容易就可以表達我想哭的心情
我不知道是我理解錯誤還是什麽
至少我知道那幾句話看了就像鬼魂一樣讓我整天心不在焉

安慰自己的話就是
至少我勇於踏出去
這真的是我有史以來這麼的不被動

我很想哭 但是哭不出來
原來工作真的可以幫忙把東西彌補

來了嗎

當你在做其他事情的時候會不時想起另外一件事
當你下班回來期待得到一個答案
當你得到答案之後突然覺得很空虛
當你空虛之後突然他冒出來你很開心
當你聊到一半的時候電話響起
當電話響起你猶豫emmm了一下好奇要怎麼接
其實都只是簡單的conversation

我只能說
我現在真的不知道自己在想什麽
我很矛盾
因為我不知道我是喜歡那個感覺而已還是喜歡......

我有自己想法那每個人都有自己想法
我會有要求那每個人也會有要求

我.....現在很矛盾
幾年之後那個感覺又回來了
上一次我一直逃避因為那時候的我不適合
我這一次不會用逃避面對而是用互相瞭解

其實要解救自己就是放開

原來我理智和不理智的時候有這麼大的差別
昨天是我第一次不顧一切的跳舞
好多好多的不顧一切
非常非常的多

要解救自己就是要放開自己
要呈現自己就是要放開自己
最後導致過於真實的自己曝露出來了
Image...
那是真的嗎 ？
我真的瘋了！

Isolation

This blog is idled for like one month!?
I'm so sorry of letting you being so alone blogger :(
As you know I was so damn busy this semester, I don't even have enough time to rest.
Woke up at 9am and back to hostel at 12am
I don't need to be like this but I choose to be from the beginning, well my fault.
My fault for being so Optimistic, my fault to be a girl who is full of curiosity in her life

I felt so sorry to my family because I seldom email with them this semester and til now i still haven't reply their letter. Anyways, A big THANK YOU to all of you who always support me, I really need some support seriously.

I felt so sorry to my health as my liver, my heart, my brain,  my stomach, my intestine and all the cells of mine can only rest  for some hours per day. I know both of you can function well because you're young, but sorry for letting you to be so tired and stressed. At least! I did yoga everyweek to let you relax, say thanks to me. LOL Thanks my body without giving up on me and kept on functioning without complaining. I'll let you rest after this semester, I SWEAR!

There were lots of things happened and all I can describe are:
Ups and downs, happy, jealousy, sad, crazy, drunk, musics, life's hard, earn  money, work, Emotional, Studies, Overweight, cried, imagination, performance, braveness, singing, playing, shopping, counting, frustration...
Loads of adjectives to be used to describe but the dictionary in my brain now is limited.
I learned a lot here and got lots of experiences.
Me, from a girl to a girl-woman, I was easily being emotional, I can cry when my mind is blank, and cry eventhough there are some matter that was super-duper tiny. I can expressed my feeling easily though as compared with the HUI JUN before. I'd even analyzed myself, am I facing depression? but I was happy this semester. Why? There are too many I-WANT in my life, I hate to be forced to choose either one, but then this is life, you can't split yourself into two and do what you want. We must give and take and think positively, live in where you are now but not in the past. Isolation and Concentration!

I can see that my EQ is getting lower
Sorry if it disturbed some of you
Dream and Reality. A cruel decision has to be made.
It's hard to reach MY dream yet it's hard too to reach MY reality.
See, I'm just a girl who thinks a lot and indecisive.
I want this, I want that.
I need love I need money I need intelligence I need time I need friends I need SUPPORT!
I'm just selfish and greedy!
The congratulation-award that I should have this semester is my BRAVENESS
I dare to perform on stage solo =)
I sing, I dance, I act. 
Well, I'm totally different as compared with the me during Primary school. Bravo to me

Anyways, Summer break is coming, still I'm not letting my self to be free, I'm going to one of the MaoKong Cafe to work as waitress. My first and very first job as waitress. Say yes to me.

ciao~

Some photo sharing session =)