瘦

我要瘦！瘦瘦瘦瘦！

穿bikini才好看 >_<

說我很好是騙人的

我承認我現在越來越怕孤單
說我很好是騙人的
說有家人比一切都好 是真的
但是家人也不會一直在你身邊啊
兄弟姐妹有自己的人生
爸爸媽媽把我們養大之後也要繼續他們的二人世界了

每次走在街上
挺直胸膛 頭往遠方看 步伐看似自信 不苟言笑
路人應該會覺得我很驕傲 難以親近 不友善
在那驕傲的外表下 我卻很喜歡四處觀察
真正驕傲的人 走路的時候根本無視身邊的人事物
因為他們覺得路是他們的
在我那傲慢的外表下 其實我也很希望像周圍的人一樣
是的
跟一群朋友哈哈大笑；橫衝直撞的過馬路；手牽手的情侶；在旁邊抽煙憂鬱的人們
每次走那條“從宿舍到校碑”的路 都會發現很多不一樣的故事

說我很好是騙人的
當我生病的時候 要我想誰可以照顧我 好像沒有
媽媽嗎？我當然有想過
最喜歡小時候生病有媽媽照顧了
有好吃的 有休息時間 在家是大王
朋友嗎？我當然也想過
但是他們有什麽義務照顧你？
頂多只是幫忙你買吃的而已

現在獨立生活我不能渴望什麽特別照顧
自己買所有吃的 自己看醫生 自己買喉糖 自己安慰自己 自己讓自己睡覺
幹 我好討厭“自己一個人”

是什麽讓我們大家那麼的生疏
是什麽讓人們變得那麼少溝通
是什麽讓我覺得要開口求救好難哦
是什麽讓我告訴自己以後凡是靠自己就好
是什麽讓我覺得我很好是騙人的？

我不甘願自己一個人
所以我去尋找刺激
但那刺激對我來說已經變成錯誤
雖然如此 我還是會繼續....吧？
或許不會 因為我理性程度沒有那麼低

最近一直問身邊人 “我是不是變很多啊？”
好難回答的問題
其實在問這問題的時候 我希望你們回答的是“是”
我自己感受到自己的變化
我只是需要你們的勸告 告訴我這變化到底好不好
但是 不是每個人都看到我的變化

有一次我有很沉重很沉重的心事
導致我必須去找一個陌生人
吐出我所有想說的話
但是最後我放棄了
我還是過不了自己那一關
總覺得告訴一個完全不認識我的人我的事情不是更對不起自己嗎？
於是我還是找了那位朋友
也不知爲什麽我就是相信他
我願意把所有的一切告訴他
沒有原因 就是世界上你就是要有這種朋友就對了
哭過就好 我真的哭得好醜

我錯了

每次自己一個人沒事做的時候 你是否會想一堆事情呢？
我今天想到一件事 可能也不止一件
我自己本來覺得 我不說你不說 一切就像沒發生過一樣
但是一個人閒著沒事做
隨便google了好多東西
我發現我真的真的真的 錯了
你也真的真的真的真的 更錯了

我一直覺得我跟其他女生是不一樣的
她們要的東西很明顯的擺出來說 “要！”
而我要的東西一定不會被看出
但 原來我的以為是錯的
其實我根本就跟她們沒兩樣

Google之後我開始更擔心 開始更後悔 開始更害怕
有些事情說要放下其實不簡單
我自己也不瞭解自己是否真的已經放下
因為事情總會不時的浮現在腦海裡
有時候它被拋到雲霄之外
有時候卻會突然回到你身邊

時間過了 你會時不時分析事情
從頭到尾分析一遍
這時候分析的你是最清醒的時候
所以自己分析出來的結果是對的

總有一天我一定會承認錯誤
但是絕對不是現在
我相信時間可以沖淡一切
但是那個痕跡卻是永遠 這我知道
對不起 我錯了
最後我更想說 你比我還要錯！

我也相信 我現在長大了
好多事情我自己做主 自己承受後果
做錯事沒有人幫你承擔 抗下錯誤
是你自己要承擔 抗下錯誤
誰管你啊？ 父母嗎？
你有臉的話就讓父母承擔

哭過之後 還要過另一天
不如微笑迎接後果
自作自受
勇於承擔 你的明天會更好

Essay title: Expression

Hi. This is my first essay in 2013. We were often asked to write an essay during Bahasa Melayu, Chinese or English classes since our primary and secondary education. Title were always set by out teacher, for an example: "My family" , "If I am a pencil", "A trip to the zoo" etc. These titles fulfilled the 5W1H. Today my title is expression, it does sounds abstract. Every time when we were asked to write an essay during language subject sessions, I will give up and do some other things. Until the deadline reaches, last minute homework would be done. I was surprised once because my English essay was selected by my teacher to read in front of my classmates and it was when I'm in Form 5. I would like to say a big THANK YOU to Miss Lee Lian See who is my mum's colleague and friend and went to my house every Sunday morning to teach us in writing English essay. She taught my sister and I and her niece without accepting any tuition fees. Thank you teacher.

Well, the first that I'm going to express is about the General Election of Malaysia on 5th May 2013. I used to be not caring stuffs related to politics and race, I rather to be the silent one and to be a listener and observer. That's my roll before this election. I often confuse myself with those parties and their objectives in ruling Malaysia, so I prefer not to know and not to ask. We can only vote when we reach 21 years old, and I'm still under age, so no doubt I don't even care about voting. Until when Facebook become the must in our lives, my homepage was full with news related to the 0505 election, my friends and some pages sharing their opinions and voiced out about the doubt and unfairness of this election. From then on, my curiosity raised up, I realized that it's important to execute the civic duty to be one of the citizen. 

I get live information from facebook about how the election results were, about how BN use the citizen's money, about some details that BN raised up the racism issues, about how the PM trick us with a brilliant black out magic. I'm not clear with any of these issues because these information were all from page sharing either from media or some personal fans page.  This urge me to be even more curious in understand what happened? How will my hometown/ my country be? How our future will be? Although I look like I don't really care, but I do care from now on. It's not that I will do a research about this election and find out the facts but I just want to express how I feel about the MEDIA, the TRICK and the RACIST problem.

I'm a student studying Media studies, I used to believe what the Media said and what they reported. We were taught to be objective(客觀) while writing a news report, and we shouldn't add in any subjective(主觀) opinions in our report. Every time when a media men/women giving their speech about their experiences working in the media industry, 99% will say that this is a tiring industry, do not put high hope on it, do not think that what you learn in university can be applied in the industry etc. At first I got scared, later on I told myself that "if they can survive until now, why can't I?" Well, back to this 13th election, the first thing which triggered me to write this post is because I saw a Malaysia newpaper UTUSAN MELAYU headlines writing "Apa lagi Cina mahu?". This is so disappointing and sad. The media is no longer Objective, they are supported by different parties. How can a headline written "Apa lagi Cina mahu?", it's so obvious that they are trying to raise the racism issues again. I'm unhappy that Najib the Prime Minister describe this 13th election as "Chinese Tsunami". I'm not studying psychology yet this is so obvious that he's trying to raise racism issues AGAIN! If you are a Prime Minister, please make things neutral, do things that is related to the country's future but not making the internal to be in a mess! 

Second, there are three main races in Malaysia: Malay, Chinese and Indian. After the independence of Malaysia on the 31st Aug 1957, these three races live together and survive in the same country. We Malaysian were taught about Malaysia's history since primary school without classifying whether you are Malay, Chinese or Indian. We studied the same history of Malaysia, yet now the racist issues arose everytime. Why? Who started it? We were taught every seconds to live peacefully with other races, and studied and understood each others' cultures. Why? because we live together in the same land. To reach peace we must first understand each other and work together. I knew it, so I kept my mind to be neutral towards race. I have Malay friends, Indian friends, yes, we are the same - Malaysian. I'm currently studying in Taiwan, everytime when my Taiwan friends asking that whether I'm a Malay, I will correct them saying that I'm a Malaysian Chinese. I will explain much about the specialty of Malaysia (3 main races) to make them understand how wonderful Malaysia is to have 3 different races living together. Differentiating Malaysian Chinese, Malaysian Malay, Malaysian Indian is just to make it clear because of the skin colour. US for an example, they differentiate their race by using black and white as an adjective only. To me, it's the fact. If you have a hard feeling of being differentiated or perhaps classified by the colour, it's your problem. Well, these are very very subjective opinions of me. No offense.

Third will be the Magic Trick from Najib discussed by almost everyone. I will not give much opinion about this trick because it's still a mystery, I guess. Najib said that it was a fair and clean election, but another party said they couldn't accept the result. I'll stay neutral in this case. Let the police to settle, perhaps they are neutral too? perhaps they do care for justice? or perhaps they don't even care those money but the safety of Malaysia? Anyways, from my opinion if this trick is real, what I can say is that DEMOCRACY IS DEAD. In contrast, Taiwan is a democratic country, I learned a lot here and the culture here is totally different from Malaysia. We can speak to express anything you want to say, we can do anything without any monitoring (well in this case maybe it's because I'm alone here, so I do think so).

As a conclusion, I have a blue IC, and I'm a MALAYSIAN. I care and love my own country. I do not hope that my country to be like this, my wish is just to live peacefully. I remember the year 2020 said by Mahathir , 2020 is a special year as Malaysia will be an advance country. But then, 7 years left, I'm just too curious whether Malaysia will reach this target or not? 加油.

瘋了

我真不知道自己在想什麽 在幹什麼
我只知道自己真的瘋了

我今天做了決定要去預約諮商
我要把一切事情告訴一位陌生人

這樣應該會好過吧？

爲什麽長大之後越來越複雜？

爲什麽長大之後我變得那麼多？

爲什麽長大之後才知道社會是如此的出乎我預料？

爲什麽長大之後我會這樣子？

爲什麽腦海裡一直有著很多的爲什麽？

爲什麽有些事情真的可以被劃分的那麼清楚而我有時候真的不想要把它弄得那麼清楚？

爲什麽長大之後講話可以越直接越好？

爲什麽長大之後心理總是怪怪的？

爲什麽在沒有家人的控管下我好像太自由了？

怎麼辦我真的好想找個陌生人聊天
聊什麽都好只要不是身邊任何一個我認識的人

Stop me please

Seriously how great if those imaginary stuffs in my mind be written out black and white
I admit that these stuffs are all so C R E A T I V E !
I love to think a lot
but sometimes it will lead me to negative thoughts
It happens often when I'm here, Taipei, Taiwan.
I'd analyzed, when I was in KL during winter holiday, I had lots of free time to THINK, but I didn't.
but when I was in Taipei, I think a lot.
perhaps I don't have anyone to share or to really soul talk to
sounds sad huh

Well, so what am I thinking?
This and that.
Think about future and acted out.
Think about many 'what if'sss, and acted out.
Being the scriptwriter cum director cum actor.
Busy

Anyways, I'm now seriously out of mind
Writing without any points
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay, I miss you again.
Please go away can?
我曾看到：“要放下的時候就要放下，說不定對方根本沒把你放在心上”
這句話是真的
我還是放不下
我說真的
我不知哪根筋壞了
我真的壞了一點點
我每次會莫名其妙的想逼自己哭
因為這桶眼淚真的真的埋了好久
甚至導致我根本忘了怎麼哭

I need to be Fixed
:(

人因夢想和障礙而長大

人因夢想而長大
但是往往就是會被種種原因限制了你
我知道我很容易說氣話，但是我仍然會努力的去做我要做的事
只是我很討厭現在的自己 一無所有
什麽畢業前一定要修的大學四學分 簡直是屁
付出那麼多的勞力得來的卻是那麼一點點的小錢
我知道人生不能總是想著不勞而獲
所以我努力的活著努力的靠自己的能力賺一點點
我討厭資本主義 所有事情總是“錢”

我當初的初衷到底在哪裡？
對於大學的憧憬到底在哪裡？
靠 我真的很想哭
家人說我每次都不主動找他們聊天
找了還不是簡單幾句
姐姐whatsapp給他們就想說她自己一個人在印度是不是太孤單？
我呢？難道你沒有想過嗎？
是，我常在fb po文，但你有沒有想過我爲什麽這麼愛po？
我只是使用另一種方式讓別人可以注意我！

爲什麽到了這個階段我突然會停下來？
我開始不瞭解自己了

不要這麼容易付出真心

有一次有人告訴我
“不要這麼容易付出真心”
不要這麼容易讓一個人看透你的心
越是捉摸不定越是個難搞的東西
這樣才有挑戰性

我認真覺得自己一直把我的保護層削薄
唉~~
加油好嗎
我也不想的

Hate this feeling

AGAIN again and AGAIN!!!
I hate this feeling
Being alone in my room with 3 empty tables, 3 empty chairs, 3 empty beds!
Roommates go back to their Taiwan home every weekends
leaving me alone in this silent and full-of-things room.

I wish to have my own privacy
yet now I have
Talk so much some more
Whatever

Back to the day before yesterday.
Was so regret that I never leave my contact
and now we loss contact
maybe that person doesn't want to?
gosh...What the hell am I thinking and acting?!

Drug shouldn't be exist in this world!
because I got 'addicted' already!
gosh... I wish to end it fast
to live stably.

Telling myself that to make yourself happier is to be confident
I'm making myself busy and no relation life
What the hell am I doing?
I seriously need a shoulder
I don't want my self-esteem to get even higher to prove to people that I can live on my own
What the hell am I acting?
I seriously is a good actress who could act like I'm very good
I'm just as if a lamb covered with wolf skin, AS IF okay! think in other ways.

I'm just tired.
I need a shoulder and ears to lie on and listen to me.
WISH.
Everything is only WISH.
Birthday wish.
Praying wish.
Don't expect it will come true!
Face the reality.
These are the FACTS!

Gosh...What the hell am I typing?
What the hell am I thinking now?
K BYE

ciao~~

變

爲什麽我最近都有種“好不想再讀書”的感覺？
從小我們就一直學東西，以前的我還覺得以後我會是讀書的好學生
因為我就是對一切事物好奇，可以學習當然好
最近不知怎的，心已經不在讀書
越來越我行我素 想做什麽就沖著做
根本不想把太多心思放在學業上
明明規劃好要弄得東西 卻可以一直拖，拖到比黃河還要長。

我知道也自身經歷過 LAST MINUTE WORK will never ends up in good ending
但是我就是這種人
很想改 但改不了
每次想到要做一樣事情的時候 就很容易放棄很容易就說服自己說“明天再弄吧”
我要做我想做的事情
好煩

大學加油

Planning is the mother to success

Is it?
Planning is the mother to success?
It's hard to plan uncertain things, you cannot predict your future, but you can set your own target.
yes, I'm that kind of people who live from hand to mouth, i guess so?
Which means, I have this amount of money and I'll spend it happily without thinking whether to save these money for future.
Nooooo. I actually love to save money >_<
I was taught to save money since young, everytime when I have my pocket money, I will automatic put half of it into my piggy bank. I'd even compete with my brothers and sister to see whose savings is the highest. LOL
Now I'm living on my own, have to take everything in consideration be it economical, worthiness etc. EVERYTHING.
Wish me luck ok? I hope to get through everything and graduate.

Ciao~~

Adaptation

Emo!
It's so hard for me to adapt these big difference.
热情的吉隆坡 vs 冷漠的台北
I came back from an environment full with warmth and happiness to this cold and mean city.
I have accompanies in Malaysia, my family my friends.
Here, not to say I have no friends, actually everyone is like me too, live on your own.
The worst thing is I can't pull myself up from "people-are-beside-you" to "no-one-is-beside-you-now" feeling. Gosh, in other words, from dependent to independent.
My roommates, all going back on weekends, leave me alone in this cold and boring room.
You know when you are alone you will have big dreams, REAL big dreams.
I will think a lot to make my mind busy to prevent myself from loneliness.

Think about future, think about what's next, think about this and that. you know THINKING is the scariest thing in the world. You will scared to step forward, you somehow will try to persuade yourself to go on! Think it negatively, all the thing is all in your mind only, and you still have to live what you should live. but think it positively, you grown up and know how to plan and can be independent.
I don't want!!!
Yeah right, I look like an independent girl, LOOK! That's how we must protect ourselves isn't it?!
Friends, I have many here.
but when it comes to Real friend, true friends, soul mate, less than two or perhaps I don't even dare to tag them as my real friends as our bonding is not like secondary friends.
I hate walking on the pathway outside of my hostel everytime when I go out to buy foods.
No one is beside you, but you have to watch other people.
I walk very fast everytime to let myself not to be in this scary pathway.

Adapting.
Am still adapting.
I hate the feeling everytime when I'm gonna leave my home.
I have no appetite. I have no mood in doing things, I will be moody and emo.
I don't like these feelings.
I don't like jealousy or envy to be applied on me.
but I like my spirit in music.
The only thing that I can do whatever I want is playing my guitar baby.
Why I never post videos on youtube the whole winter holiday?
because I don't have to, I have listeners I have precious time spending with my family and friends.
When I come back, I did a video. It doesn't mean I'm happy recording.
It's just a way to prevent myself of thinking too much.
Music is just a way to cure myself from being alone.
Anyways, this is my choice.  

Goal, Mission, Success

A Goal yet to be reached.
A Mission yet to be completed.
A Success yet to be achieved.

I will urge myself to keep my mind positively everytime when I start to think negatively.
Goal! Mission! Success!
Wow, such wonderful words
yet these are just one of ways to make yourself to be more happy?
I guess so.

I'm now clear that I'm so so so desperate to have a boyfriend. = =
Funny huh! Even my roommate try to make me out of this weird environment where boys are so damn limited. She always try to make opportunity for me to meet new friends, through his boyfriend. Gosh, can't believe that I need such planning at this age. I never reject though, but feel scared to meet strangers?
Anyway, I can't believe that she share everything in details to her boyfriend about me! LOL...well, yeah praising me that I can sing, I can compose song, I can make video, I'm good in photography etc. Thank you =) I was shocked that everything I did amazed her.

Again, blog is always the best friend who will always listen to what I say.
Expected, I'd gone through ups and downs in this semester (Year 3).
People, attitude, passion......All related.
I'm confident in my time managing, but I guess there are still more yet to be improved after going through this semester.
Sometimes I will sit down without doing anything, think and think and think about myself.
What I'd changed myself? How's my personality towards others?
I think I changed a lot, mind change, look change, attitude change etc.
More challenges to be confronted.

ciao~~

隱形的感覺

不知從什麼時候開始
我喜歡上這感覺
喜歡在人群中不顧別人眼光做我自己
甚至能夠不憂慮的解放心裡所有的慾望
前天我又去了那地方
我真的想也沒想到我又遇見穿紅色衣服的人
但是不是熟悉的面孔

在當下我並沒有覺得我的做法有錯
離開人群、沉澱自己、慢慢清醒之後
我~~~突然覺得有點不舒服
這隱形的感覺 說白一點就是隔著一層布在互動而已
也感受到了前所未有的 互動
但我很快就把它結束
因為我至少還有一點的理智在
我一直很不清楚的是
紅色現在一直跟“大便”連在一起
Oh, 我真的出問題了。

那次也讓我真正體會到
有感覺和沒感覺 的差別
大的呢！
雖然自己想了之後覺得好不可思議
爲什麽會有人發明這種玩意兒 讓年輕人去玩
或許是這是其中一個解放的地方
但老實說我真的把所有的煩惱所有的負擔都拋在一旁
感覺真的是很舒服

之後還要再拼一堆事情
希望這學期能夠順利的過

Missing someone

And yes, I miss you again.
So I cried. I won't tell and I won't show.
I know this is super stupid, why am I so silly?
I tried to let go, filling up the timetable FULLY, yet I can't avoid missing you.
You're not extraordinary, you're just a normal human being living on earth.
You have lots of things that I don't really like, but still I miss you.
I don't know where the hell do these thoughts happened on me, trying to accept people who smoke, who drink often. WTH!
I kept on persuading myself that, I like you is because of THAT small little moment, it shouldn't last for so long. Then?! It last for so long now.
I'm just too tired to get updated from FB about you.
This is seriously god damn  unrealistic.
Making you as 'Close friends' as if we're close enough.
WTH! I'm so stupid, so silly, so useless.
Yet, I have my own setting though.
I won't be the one who take the initiative to start a conversation.
So now, one month goes on, your light goes green everyday and I'm waiting like a stupid waiting for miracles to happen?! WTH.

When the hack is 'LONELY' appeared in my life now?!
I feel so unsecured.
Although I made myself like no-need-anyone-to-care face, but it is seriously a fake one.
Everytime when I want to find someone to eat with me, either lunch or dinner, my mind went blank.
Yes, I have dream to reach, but without help, I need to go on a long long long journey.

Tired.
ciao~

Maturity

It seems like maturity reaches me after the 2 months+ summer holiday in Taiwan.
Well, I did nothing special.
Just making my life busier and filling up all the blanks in my Schedule book.
Working is the only thing that I can do last summer, yet i really enjoyed.
Although I know administrative stuffs do not suit me but I can at least learn some communication techniques.
I loved to talk, but surprisingly I lower down my profile the first day I'm here, yes Taiwan.
Perhaps it's because of the differentiation between culture and habits, we speak the same language but what about the accents? what about the jokes? It's highly related with the society and the environment etc.
I made a lot of effort to adapt in this environment, in this culture that I tried to avoid before.
I was just too ego, thinking that people should be influenced by me.
Yes, I always putting myself in the middle of the circle, right in the middle point of the circumference.
Okay, I lose.
My opinions were always be rejected, my OVER creativeness is like a recycle paper waiting to go into the machine and be destroyed immediately. I made up my mind:" okay, I'll be quiet and you talk."
Well my classmates are all intelligent people, they can think and think and think, giving as many reasons as you can. At the end no conclusion, making everyone dizzy, don't know which to be decided.
Not to say that my opinions should be accepted, brainstorming is to listen and accept everyone's creativity. After collecting everything then only we proceed to the cruel SELECTION PROCESS.
Anyways, I'm happy that I dare to step out of this society.
I met some special people, different people during this summer.
I learned a lot from them, not from their intelligence but the way they think, the way they live.
They inspired me to make something different, influenced me that live is not like what you think and live is not just a straight line. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAKE YOUR LIFE COLOURFUL!
Our live were planned in a sequence before we step into the University, everything was like going through so smoothly because it was planned by your parents. but I was once perplexed, I don't know why am I living for these things? why am I doing all this stuffs? Why is my live was planned LIKE this?! I got no more time to stay in university, only four years. I must at least do something to prove myself, to make myself proud. Not to other people but myself.
It's really hard to describe my feeling through out the 2 months, but I can really feel that I'm ready to open my heart to love and adapt this so-called new environment Taiwan. I know it's a little bit late, but I'm happy now, being more optimistic and I am who I am NOW!
I told my Junior:"In university, we must always be initiative, chances will not wait for you but it's waiting for you to grab it from other people's hand." Yes this is another cruel site of this society. Prey-predator relationship.

Giving a perfect conclusion to this post is:
To make yourself happy, try the things that you never tried before. Then you will find out a solution to save yourself. Of course do not ever try to forget those talents that you are gifted, make full use of it and try to insert some other new things that you learned and improve slowly towards a PERFECT MASTERPIECE.

一時的東西就要懂得放下

我不知道喜歡是什麽感覺

我只知道我現在的感覺是一時的

我不想再透過虛擬的FB得知你所有的行蹤

我更不想腦子里都是在掛念著一個‘接近不可能’

我不想每次都等‘比’看誰先開口

我不想一直習慣性的‘希望’你會出現

我很不希望自己這麼的白癡

我自己氣我自己哭

我自己安慰自己笑

原來我真的感覺到了孤單和寂寞

看到情侶不是嫉妒而是羡慕

或許以前我也很想要有男朋友

但是那種感覺真的不比現在強烈

我不是石頭做的

外表堅強內在卻一直在掙扎

我找事情做其實就是要忘掉這一時的‘模糊’

所有的所有都錯在暑假前一個禮拜我豁出去了

或許這不是錯而是學習

學習讓自己更懂得去應付事情

今年暑假我得到很多學到很多

我是感情深的天蝎座

只要一隻腳踏進感情花花世界

我需要很長的時間抽離

這對我來講更不是一件容易的事情

我好希望自己趕快不去想

明明喜歡是一件開心的事情

爲什麽我要想那麼多？

Concentrate

Oh Hey Back again
Probably because I deactivated my FB
And sweat that I kept on deactivate-activate-deactivate-activate it, so now FB can't stand my playfulness and punished me.
I have to wait for 24 hours to activate it again.
Okay, serious don't think deactivate it is so that easy, you will need to pay more for what you did.
FB thinks you have some other reason to deactivate it so it can control your activation.
Well maybe next time you might need to wait 48 hours to activate it again, perhaps.

The only thing I'm so confuse is that should I let it go?
Ah I just hate this feelings now
I don't know how to describe it by words
Waiting is not the proper way to be loved
And why am I waiting?
Wait for what?
Wait then lost it?
Wait then give up?
but! the only thing is that you don't know what you are waiting for!
You are already in the mist that WHAT is YOUR TRUE FEELING!
You don't know is your feeling right?
You don't know is it REAL?
You don't know what they both thinking!
You just kept on guessing and guessing and guessing, at the end you conclude yourself and made decision yourself! Weirdo....
Yes, WEIRDO!
You say you want to concentrate, but actually this will only make you more suffer, serious =__=

Whatever, no more emotional things.
Say something about my work at Maokong =)
This is the first time working as a waitress, to serve people, to do things I seldom do at home.
I sweep and mop the floor
I wipe the windows and doors
I say 'WELCOME' and 'THANK YOU' so often to customer
I take order and give explanation
I wash loads of dishes and it actually spoiled my pretty manicure T__T
I be the cashier and sometimes will count wrongly
I stand more than 8 hours
I can't be lazy because there is a BOSS and another Bigger BOSS who will never care people's feeling looking at US, and I don't know why this Bigger BOSS can be so cold-blooded yet the BOSS is so good so different.
I used to be lazy and kept on finding reason to make myself rest, but this time I will find things to do, I don't even dare to say "CAN I REST?", If I do how dare I!?!? OMG, other people are more tired than I am.
BUT, I'm happy working there
Feeling that I'm not wasting my live sitting in the office facing computer everyday.
At least I used my whole body cells to do something
Although I just take order, send foods and drinks, ask customer to pay the bills, but this job is really different from what I thought before.
The people there are NICE! Super NICE!

Working 6 days in a week, never letting myself to rest.
Night is for Piano, Day is for Administration work, Weekends are for Maokong.
I'm Part-Time queen =)
BTW, I choosed swimming to be my only entertainment.
I can swim nonstop NOW! ah hah! =)
Breaststroke, Freestyle ON la!

I can't believe that I can be a WORKAHOLIC
because I was a SUPER LAZY girl before,
thinking that WORKING is not fun
So, don't want to work wasting money and use parent's money
I guess my papa and mummy will be happy that I will think this way
I should thank them though giving me a chance to be independent

Conclusion:
Do not ever depends on other people, find your own way to solve the problem when you face obstacles
Especially when you are confused, just share your opinion and thoughts to people that you think will give you good advices, but of course FIND THE RIGHT PERSON.
When you solved it then only share also no harm.
Concentrate on what you are doing.
Typing then type properly
Working then work seriously

okbbciao~

停下來 想

Yes, I deactivated my FB without telling anyone
I'll be back anytime, I'm just not sure when should I go back to the virtual world
It's like a must to use FB
Doing discussion, chatting, updating your latest news, getting more closer with friends and families
So when one disappear from the virtual world, they will probably say:"Hey! you disappeared for so long", just because one stop using FB. =__=
I didn't disappear, I'm still alive okay.
If you really care someone you won't be updated through facebook yet to be updated in REAL world.

Well, what's the reason to deactivate?
Too many.
I thought a lot of things these days.
Staying in the virtual world will actually make one looks more foolish
Doing nothing but turn on Facebook and check others' News Feed, Like others' photos and status, Comment others' photos and status etc.
They typed "haha" but their facial expression is not like "HAHAHAHHAAH"
They typed "LOL" but they are actually serious typing 'L' & 'O' & 'L'. never even LAUGH OUT LOUD.
Me, a cyberchild, born on the 90s, used to Facebook everyday without any reason or aim and left out those important things to do, left out my true feeling.
I just can't believe that I will think so much whether it's TRUE or FAKE.
So I think I should stop for a while and think, think what I want to be, what I actually want.

Like everyone's habit, after you on your PC and internet browser, the first thing to do is to type: www.facebook.com.
These are the reason why people are so cool nowadays
Sitting in the MRT, in the bus or in the Office, all facing PC, smartphone etc
Everyone staying in their own little small world without interacting and thus causing communication breakdown.
It's impossible by saying these things out from me I know because I was these kind of people. duh~~

Anyway, my conclusion is waiting in the virtual world or being happy in the virtual world is not your true feeling. It's like "aiya, it's virtual only, no need to take it serious, they don't know me I don't know you, what to scared for". Those inventor who invented EMOTICON are great thinker, they make our world more colourful yet I think it makes people feelings worsen. Some people will take things serious; but some will think it's virtual and won't believe what they seen. So that's the problem with these VIRTUAL world, making things to be in between TRUE and FAKE.

I'm finding my own way to live normally and REAL
I will still use facebook but in another kind of view.
I guess so.

ciao~

依賴

有時候我只想找一個傾訴的對象而不是一個聽我抱怨的對象
原來我的傾訴就算是抱怨
maybe 我應該從新思考自己的個性、語氣
把自己放進別人的鞋子裡聽聽我自己
看看自己是長什麼樣子
瞭解我在講話在發呆的時候是什麼樣子

從小我習慣依賴父母
外面遇難可以依賴爸爸
面對難題可以依賴媽媽
電腦壞了依賴大哥
不敢做的事情可以依賴二哥
課業鋼琴問題可以依賴姐姐
懶惰的時候可以依賴妹妹
來到台灣我必須獨立
我依賴我自己

原來我這麼容易可以找到依賴的人
但是我似乎弄錯了
就算是朋友我也不能像對家人一樣的依賴
no 我太熱情太自作多情 是嗎？
我必須開始收斂自己的想法
我還是會依賴你們但是我第一個會依賴的還是我自己先
謝謝你們願意讓我依賴一點，也讓我欣慰
我會找尋屬於自己的重心
再次深入瞭解自己的個性
思考做人的目的

順順利利的生活反而不會讓我覺得自己長大
往逆境前進 跌倒 和碰釘子 才讓我長大了一點點
MIND 的成長
是需要時間的磨練才能變得更成熟
很高興我來到這裡
遇到這麼多奇妙的人
我相信這次的暑假很難忘
我不敢再想未來
現在的事情沒有做完
做完了我至少有一點點的機會決定自己的未來

天真就是我
邪惡也是我
我很難捉摸
因為我是天蝎座的林慧君